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Why We'll Beat the Eagles


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By Popular Demand (okay, two people), the Why We’ll Beat the _______ feature returns.

And so it should; it's Three and Oh, baby. :)

Thus, it will appear, without fail, following each and every victory posted by the 2003 Washington Redskins.

Unless we get tired of it.

In which case ... it won’t.

As always, please wade in. One request, though. Extra credit this week to posters who do NOT follow the “how they see themselves versus “how they really are” format. I mean, really ... let's see some variety. :)

And so, in that spirit, we lead with something a little different this week.

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One wonders what any self-respecting Eagle would have to do with Philadelphia, anyway.

I mean, Montana it ain’t. And anyway, you'd think they'd all have suffocated by now up there ... or been booed to death or something (you ever seen what cheesesteak breath can do? Not pretty). Or maybe blown out of the smog-filled skies by well-flung D batteries (say what you want out those Brotherly Love dudes, they can flat WING those suckers).

At any rate ... not finding obvious answers to the whole Philadelphia Eagle question, and our curiosity being therefore peaked, at this early-season moment of gridiron statement-game type crossroads, we dispatched our crack staff (we do not advocate the use of illegal drugs; legalize them already, we say) to uncover that which led to this unholy paradigm.

They have returned from their trip, bathed, and now advise that:

Apparently, eagles still inhabited Philadelphia in the early 19th century, and one friendly bird began spending evening hours at the first U.S. Mint (1792-1833) on 7th Street near Arch.

peter.jpg

Eventually, Peter the Mint Eagle (it does not overly surprise us, by the way, that their bird was named after a body part) started hanging out inside the industrial building complex.

"Before long,” declares the printed material next to the stuffed bird, “the magnificent eagle had access to every vault in the Mint".

Surely the good citizens eschewed barefoot walks through those hallowed halls.

The placard goes on:

"The bird's fame soon spread throughout Philadelphia. He was recognized as he flew over the rooftops .... according to legend, Peter lived at the Mint for six years. Then, tragedy struck.”

Surprisingly, we did not find this to be a reference to the retention of Rich Kotite, the swoon against Tampa in 2002 or Donovan McNabb’s inaccuracy.

Rather,

"Peter was perched on the flywheel of a coining press when it suddenly started. His wing was caught and broken. Mint employees gave Peter the best and most tender care they knew, but the eagle's injuries were grave.

After his death, Peter was superbly mounted."

Hmm.

In the final analysis, though we are admittedly a tad moved by the tenderness exhibited by the local populace for taking time out of their busy schedules (what with weighty matters such as ice-balling St. Nick, booing their coach and getting arrested at games to attend to) to offer succor to their stricken feathered friend ... and while a superbly mounted Peter is unarguably a good thing ... we are still not persuaded that this in and of itself endows this ever-tragic, yet still wallowing-unabashedly-in-self-love organization of post-taxidermic Haliaeetus leucocephalus with sufficient sac to take flight or emerge victorious in the face of the relentless and vigorous opposition sure to be posed by the Native Americans on the synthetic field of battle this coming Sunday .

Thank you.

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(I thought we started it in another thread, I liked this reply so much I am reposting it in this thread as well :) )

In a touching Jester Eagles front office brought in Former Eagles Players and let them watch the first home game from a new air conditioned luxury box in the new Lincoln Stadium...

phil48.jpg

it still has a few bugs in the system

The way Eagle fans see their tough Philly defense

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the ONLY way the Philly defense could be tough....

SuicideSeven.jpg

After a recent diversity training seminar, many Eagle players have been able to show their true affection for fellow teammates during the game

1avike1112.l.jpg

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The American Bald Eagle gained immediate, unofficial recognition as our National bird when the Great Seal of the United States was adopted on June 20, 1782. Official designation of the massive bird that has a wingspan of from 6 to 8 feet did not come however, for six more years. During that time it was the subject of fierce arguments by leading political leaders of the day.

In January of 1784 elder statesman Benjamin Franklin registered his own disapproval of the eagle as our National bird when he stated:

"The bald eagle...is a bird of bad moral character; like those among men who live by sharping and robbing, he is generally poor, and often very lousy."

"The turkey is a much more respectable bird and withal a true original native of America."

Of course, the correct choice was made, but had Franklin gotten his way, we would at least enjoy the more fitting symbol of our Philadelphia friends.

turkey%202.jpg

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