Wizards and Redskins Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I know this will probably get bashed and everyone will think its trash but im here for that if you think it should be thrown away then say that, if you think it should be kept say that. heres the song I met a girl that changed my world Two years ago to this day She's the apple of my eye I never want to say goodbye I wish we lived closer We would never be apart I would love to have her by my side This I know in my heart She's the reason I get up each day She continues to take my breath away She's the only one for me, I say I would drop everything I was doing To spend some time with her I would go meet her no matter what If I had to miss my own birthday She gets the best of me And I wouldn’t have it any other way I wish we lived so much closer So I could always come over I would love to have her by my side Every day for the rest of my life She is one of the few people That I will always be there for For the rest of my life, and then more When she is upset and needs someone by her side I will always be there to fill her with pride I couldn't imagine the rest of my life With her always by my side I'll be there for here to confide in With all the things she finds herself in I love this girl with all my heart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoudMouth12thMan Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 This is a poem until you put melody to the words The last stanza: "I couldn't imagine the rest of my life with her always by my side..." :laugh: You mean you couldn't imagine the rest of my life withOUT her.... Other than that, looks pretty cool. Make an MP3 of the song too HTTR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
81artmonk Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I agree, it's not a song. A song has music. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praise_gibbs Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I love the way your sandy hair Floats in the air To me it's like a lullaby I'm just flying by Oh so high Like a kite Tied to a stick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Williams Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 "Napolean, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes, all day. Besides we both know I'm training to become a cage fighter." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan since a Fetus Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I I couldn't imagine the rest of my life With her always by my side That is hilarious right there! You have to change those words if you want this to be taken seriously. No offense, to me these words make it sound as if you are P****whipped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DirtyGunz8 Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I love the way your sandy hair Floats in the air To me it's like a lullaby I'm just flying by Oh so high Like a kite Tied to a stick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade7 Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 That brought back some memories. It looks like its from the heart, but you're doing a lot of talking and not a lot of showing. To me, this looks like a poem (music is poetry if you know how to make it work together), and the key to poetry is imagry. There's barely any similies, metaphors, anologies of any kind, so it feels sounds kinda dull, even though I know you're being real. Keep this as a rough draft, spice it up, and check your grammar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drockvb Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 Since this song has no music i voted to trash it. :laugh: But with a beat and some harmony it may be good. Depends on what you do with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMK9973 Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 ah.... to be 18 again and fall in Love with every women you can't have.... WHY MUST THE WORLD BE SO CRUEL!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baculus Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 Well, a song can be a song without a melody - lyric writers aren't "poem" writers, per se, so it is a definite fine line. And a lot of love songs are basically poems when removed from their song context. I think it is fine, from the heart, and better then some of the love songs you hear on the radio. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sean_e_b Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 The lyrics seem very ordinary. By ordinary, I mean it seems they are used in 50% of all love songs. Especially this line "I wish we lived closer We would never be apart" I'd also try to eliminate the words day and heart as they also seem to be used a lot in other songs. I'd redo it, but it's not necessarily garbage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WSHRedskins3ATLBraves3 Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 "Napolean, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes, all day. Besides we both know I'm training to become a cage fighter." :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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