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Look at what some stupid Cowboy fan made up...

Snyder Offers League

Buttload of Cash for Championship

WASHINGTON, DC -

-The NFL's megalomaniac, Washington Redskin owner Daniel Snyder has informed the NFL that he wishes to buy outright the NFL championship for the 2005-2006 season for a buttload of cash. In a complicated deal Snyder has offered a package totaling over one hundred million dollars to the league and to the various teams in the league. In return the Washington Redskins would be declared champions for this season and would be awarded the Lombardi Trophy.

Snyder had previously attempted a traditional indirect, albeit aggressive method of buying a championship when he signed several prominent high-priced free agents in the previous three off-seasons. Unfortunately for Snyder this attempt to buy the championship has not turned as promising as hoped. Snyder realized the need for a contingency plan after his high-priced Redskins were humiliated by the New York Giants 36-0 on Oct. 30th of last year.

"When I first started signing free agents I was offended that folks said I was buying a Championship," explained Snyder. "But then I figured well if folks think I am going to buy a Championship I might as well freaking do it the right way."

In a press release Snyder outlined a plan that he claimed would maintain the league's integrity and also allow the Redskins to buy their NFL championship. Under the plan, should the Redskins not win the Super Bowl in January then the team that did win would get thirty-five million dollars, the other thirty teams would receive two million each. Regardless of who wins the Super Bowl the league itself would receive fifteen million dollars.

"I made them an offer they can't refuse," remarked Snyder.

The NFL released a statement saying that the Championship was not for sale, but that a "buttload" of money could certainly change their minds. "But we may differ on what defines a 'buttload'," said the statement from the league offices.

Snyder was quick to counter that this was of course just an initial offer and was open to negotiation, "I am glad the league is at least being open-minded. I see this as a win-win situation for all involved, I get my Super Bowl Championship and everybody else gets a buttload of cash."

Buffalo Bills owner Ralph Wilson said that he would vote to affirm the deal if a majority of the other owners agree to give him 50% of their team's proceeds. Wilson intends to share that buttload of cash with one or two other small-market owners.

"After all," Ralph said, "Us little guys have got to stick together."

As of now, an NFL owner's meeting is scheduled to consider the idea. A mid-season meeting is tentatively scheduled for Tuesday, Oct.31 in the conference room of the Federal Reserve Bank in Washington, D.C.

However, some NFL owners are are saying that perhaps the meeting should be postponed until after the 12th Week, when teams will have a better idea of how the division races will turn out.

This group of owners, representing the San Farancisco (4-12 last year), New Orleans (3-13 last year), Green Bay (4-12 last year), Oakland (4-12 last year), and Houston (2-14 last year) franchises have appointed Al Davis as their spokesman.

"We're not conceeding anything," said Al. "We all feel we have somewhat legitimate chances to win our respective divisions. And, what's more, our fans do, too. We owe it to our fans, players, and the cities we represent to not sell out until we see "the handwriting on the wall."

In contrast, some of the more successful team owners have formed a separate group, with different proposals. Although a consensus has not yet been reached, this group (made up of Jerry Jones from the Cowboys, Pat Bowlen of the Broncos, Dan Rooney of the Steelers, and Jim Irsay of the Colts) feel that Danny Boy's current proposal is unaceptable.

Their spokesman, Jerry Jones of the Dallas Cowboys (commonly known as America's Team) said the proposal "is way out of line with the competitive image that the league has been cultivating for many years."

He further went on to say, "I know Dan Snyder well. This latest proposal is merely an unabashed attempt to circumvent the normal division elimination process. It's been a long, long time (8 years) since his team managed to win the NFC East, so this is just a another blatant attempt to buy the division crown."

"Ive been in communication with the other NFC East owners and they feel the same way," Jerry reiterated. "However, we feel an accomodation can be made. Especially if, after the division race is decided, a separate, divisional playoff game is arranged. This is basically what we have in mind:"

"The divisional playoff contest would pit the East Division winner against the Wahington Redskins. The winner would then advance to the playoffs. The game would be played at the division winner's home stadium. In order for his team to take part, Snyder would pay each of the other NFC East teams $50 million. In addition, the Redskins draft choices for the next 120 years would be evenly split among the other 3 division teams."

"The other owners and I see nothing amiss in giving the Redskins another shot at us" Jerry said. "They'll 'blow it' anyway. And besides, the extra gate receipts could be used to satisfy cry-baby Ralph and the other communists that have crept into the league."

Upon hearing this, Dan Snyder remarked, "It sounds a little steep but, with some further negotiation, I'm sure something could be worked out. We never seem to use our draft choices anyway, so I really don't see a problem with it. And the extra $150 million is cheaper than what I spend on Sean Taylor's lawyers."

"I'd like to see the game played at Fed-Ex Field, though. That way, with the poor vision in many sections, our fans would be oblivious to the poor performance on our part. However, that could be offset with some nice bonuses to the referrees. Hell, if you're gonna buy the thing, why not go all the way?"

This last remark about purchasing the refs brought loud protests from Philadelphia Eagles owner Jeff Lurie.

"He can't do that," Jeff said. "Everyone knows that the refs are already in my pocket! How in the world do you think we won those recent NFC titles?" he asked.

A savy reporter in the crowd seized on this to ask, "Then what happenned in Super Bowl XXXIX? If the refs were paid off, why didn't you win?"

"There was a banking glitch," Mr. Lurie confessed. "My wife didn't get down to the bank in time to make the deposit and, as a result, the referree's checks bounced. I didn't know about it until late in the 4th quarter. As a result, the game was on the up-and-up. There was no way we could win that way." Lurie remarked.

Further negotiations between the two groups of owners, Mr. Snyder, and the NFL as a whole will clearly have to take place before Danny Boy's buying the Super Bowl Trophy is either approved or disapproved.

Fans can voice their opinion at:

SuperBowlSellOut.com

Vote either:

Yes, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool liberal. The lowly Redskins have demonstrated that they are habitually football challenged and should be given the opportunity to call themselves champions just once. MAKE THE DEAL!

or

No, screw the 'Skins! I enjoy watching Danny and the Losers cry each season as their preseason glory fades to black! NO DEAL!

Meanwhile, stay tuned for further developments.......

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This last remark about purchasing the refs brought loud protests from Philadelphia Eagles owner Jeff Lurie.

"He can't do that," Jeff said. "Everyone knows that the refs are already in my pocket! How in the world do you think we won those recent NFC titles?" he asked.

A savy reporter in the crowd seized on this to ask, "Then what happenned in Super Bowl XXXIX? If the refs were paid off, why didn't you win?"

"There was a banking glitch," Mr. Lurie confessed. "My wife didn't get down to the bank in time to make the deposit and, as a result, the referree's checks bounced. I didn't know about it until late in the 4th quarter. As a result, the game was on the up-and-up. There was no way we could win that way." Lurie remarked.

:laugh:

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Just another back handed humorous attempt to portray Dan Snyder as trying to buy another Super Bowl. He signed two coaches that other teams desperatly wanted but wouldn't shell out the money for and nabbed most of the desireable FA's thet were on the market.

Others may find this funny. I don't. I see jelousy rearing its ugly head again.

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Some dumbass actually took all that time to make that s*** up and in actuality this person has no clue who actually runs the team? Pretty sad...

It's still pretty funny though, especailly considering Danny Boy's history :cool:

And if you think the team is being solely run by Gibbs, take the blinders off. That's as silly as Dallas fans saying BP completely runs the Cowboys.

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It's still pretty funny though, especailly considering Danny Boy's history :cool:

And if you think the team is being solely run by Gibbs, take the blinders off. That's as silly as Dallas fans saying BP completely runs the Cowboys.

You can't honestly believe that Danny is more involved than Jerrah. Snyder has said quite often that he is asking Joe what he wants and he goes out and gets it but he doesn't try to act like the GM. Jerrah has never even come close to removing himself from personnel decisions.

Now that being said I found the piece pretty funny. Switch Skins for Cowboys and people would be laughing. But it is way too long winded. He needs to cut it in half.

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It's still pretty funny though, especailly considering Danny Boy's history :cool:

And if you think the team is being solely run by Gibbs, take the blinders off. That's as silly as Dallas fans saying BP completely runs the Cowboys.

Actually since Gibbs came back, he IS running this team. And anyone who says BP is runnning the Cowboys is in denial. No way would BP let go of Keyshawn(Parcells guy) and bring in that sideshow TO in.

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Actually since Gibbs came back, he IS running this team. And anyone who says BP is runnning the Cowboys is in denial. No way would BP let go of Keyshawn(Parcells guy) and bring in that sideshow TO in.

:doh:

Gibbs is running this team, but he is not soley running this team. Anyone who thinks otherwise hasnt been paying attention to Little Napolean upstairs for the last 7 years

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You can't honestly believe that Danny is more involved than Jerrah. Snyder has said quite often that he is asking Joe what he wants and he goes out and gets it but he doesn't try to act like the GM. Jerrah has never even come close to removing himself from personnel decisions.

Now that being said I found the piece pretty funny. Switch Skins for Cowboys and people would be laughing. But it is way too long winded. He needs to cut it in half.

When did I say that? I said it is naive to think either owner has completely backed off. Both coaches have been given a great deal of power, but hardly all of it. For instance, Bill Parcells was given complete control of the draft and drafts the guys he wants. Joe Gibbs was clearly not. Likewise, Joe Gibbs appears to be signing only the players he wants, whereas Jeeruh has brought in several players that I doubt BP wanted.

Dont be blind to the real situation here. Both owners have to big of egos to let everything go.

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:doh:

Gibbs is running this team, but he is not solely running this team. Anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't been paying attention to Little Napoleon upstairs for the last 7 years

really, tell us about it..... well come on OWN us.....tell us about our own team....i am sure being in Dallas you have access to all kinds of insider information......drop the knowledge great one:rolleyes:

by the way see the quote above for grammar and spelling corrections Mr. English teacher

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:doh:

Gibbs is running this team, but he is not soley running this team. Anyone who thinks otherwise hasnt been paying attention to Little Napolean upstairs for the last 7 years

Look, ever since Gibbs came back, he HAS been running this team. He has final say. I guarantee you a coaching legend like Gibbs wouldnt come back if he had to deal with Snyder. Before Gibbs came here things were different. Everything has changed since. Just because JJ told Parcells TO is coming whether he likes it or not doesnt mean the same type of **** happens with Gibbs.

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Look, ever since Gibbs came back, he HAS been running this team. He has final say. I guarantee you a coaching legend like Gibbs wouldnt come back if he had to deal with Snyder. Before Gibbs came here things were different. Everything has changed since. Just because JJ told Parcells TO is coming whether he likes it or not doesnt mean the same type of **** happens with Gibbs.

Then explain away the fact that Gibbs was publically unhappy with the trading of this years first round pick to move up last year? :rolleyes:

Gibbs may have wanted Jason Campbell, but he didnt enjoy the manner in which he was acquired.

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