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Oil Change.... men vs women


riggins44

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Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since

the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly

maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $21.00

==========================================================

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of

oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a

check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20,

drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in

process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.

Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil

filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil

everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in

trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.

Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new

garage door opener.

18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."

Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil

in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil

to gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,

along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily

dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily

patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug

in lawnmower gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.

Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with

oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench

tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop

blood flow.

38) Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled

during steps 23 - 43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

48) Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00

DUI $2500.00

Impound fee $75.00

Bail $1500.00

Beer $40.00

Total - - $4,165.00

But you know the job was done right!

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I will admit that I am completely missing the standard Male car repair gene. My father had it but somehow it was not passed on to me. Every 3000-3500 miles my Jeep Grand Cherokee gets dropped off at a shop owned by a friend of mine and gets the oil change and any other necessary regular maintenance (coolant flush, lightbulbs replaced, transmission fluid, etc...) done to it. Then I pick up that evening.

It generally runs me about $65 for the whole deal. Considering my lack of carwork interest and skill, and the value that I place on my free time it's totally worth it for me to have the shop do the work. I know it's probably unmanly to do so, but I just don't see the sense in wasting my time and energy trying to do it myself.

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A many a time my father went under a vehicle with a hammer and screw driver.. Our conversation was something like this.

Me - "Laugh"

Dad - "What"

Me - "It's gunna collapse"

Dad - "You think it's the first time I've done this"

Me - "No I've seen you collapse a hundred filters before"

Dad - "Shutup"

Dad gets under truck hammers a hole in the filter oil drains out.

Dad - "It didn't collapse"

Me - Hands dad strap wrench "You'll need this because you seem to like to ignore the hand tight plus a quarter turn instructions and torque the filter on to 50 fp's"

Dad - snatches wrench from me and goes back under, several minutes later a Eric Cartman type voice booms from under the truck saying one of many colorful sayings like

"AHH SON OF A *****!!"

"WELL **** ME RIGHT IN THE ASS!"

"YOU MOTHER****ER!"

"FILTHY SON OF A *****!"

Tools begin flying out from under the truck at high velocity..

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It takes me only 10 minutes to change the oil in my car. Unfortunately, it takes at least a week to motivate myself to go buy the oil and filters. Then if something good comes on tv while I'm changing into my old work clothes, it could be another several hours until I think about changing the oil. And if I don't pay attention to when it gets dark, it's another day until I think about changing it.

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It takes me only 10 minutes to change the oil in my car. Unfortunately, it takes at least a week to motivate myself to go buy the oil and filters. Then if something good comes on tv while I'm changing into my old work clothes, it could be another several hours until I think about changing the oil. And if I don't pay attention to when it gets dark, it's another day until I think about changing it.

ROFL.. that is me all the way.. I used to love doing that kinda thing but now I am very lazy to working on cars anymore.

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That was pretty funny riggins44...thanks for posting.

I will admit that I am completely missing the standard Male car repair gene. My father had it but somehow it was not passed on to me. Every 3000-3500 miles my Jeep Grand Cherokee gets dropped off at a shop owned by a friend of mine and gets the oil change and any other necessary regular maintenance (coolant flush, lightbulbs replaced, transmission fluid, etc...) done to it. Then I pick up that evening.

It generally runs me about $65 for the whole deal. Considering my lack of carwork interest and skill, and the value that I place on my free time it's totally worth it for me to have the shop do the work. I know it's probably unmanly to do so, but I just don't see the sense in wasting my time and energy trying to do it myself.

Mass - I used to change my own oil and other such things...back in the days when you could actually see the oil filter when you crawled under the car. Nowadays, that sucker can be buried in there pretty good. We used to have a Pontiac where you actually had to remove the front drivers side tire to get to the oil filter???

Anyway, oil changes are so cheap these days it doesn't make any sense to do it yourself (unless you actually enjoy that kind of thing). If you bought the oil and filter in the store it would probably cost you $15-$20 and they will change your oil for $25. No brainer for me.

...besides, to work on cars nowadays you need to go to school and get a PhD:)

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There's actually a spigot that you can get that replaces the drain plug, makes it ridiculously easy to change the oil with. I forgot where I saw it, I get free oil changes so I didn't get one.

I've got that on my Durango. It takes maybe 30minutes including drive time to the store for me to change the oil. I've changed the oil on every car I've owned except a Mercedes and a Subaru.

If you screw up the oil pan screw on those things they have to replace the entire friggin pan and its like 800 bucks.

I've always enjoyed working on cars and what not, though I did have a 05 impreza that I couldn't even find the filter.

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I've always enjoyed working on cars and what not, though I did have a 05 impreza that I couldn't even find the filter.

People wonder why it is that the price of automobiles keeps going up. It's very simple.....

There's a whole lot of engineering cost that goes into designing a vehicle that the MANUFACTURER can fix /maintain quickly and easily with only minimally trained technicians but that the average car owner and auto shop CANNOT fix or maintain easily or quickly. That engineering cost and the associated additional production cost are what I believe is sending the price of automobiles through the roof.

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People wonder why it is that the price of automobiles keeps going up. It's very simple.....

There's a whole lot of engineering cost that goes into designing a vehicle that the MANUFACTURER can fix /maintain quickly and easily with only minimally trained technicians but that the average car owner and auto shop CANNOT fix or maintain easily or quickly. That engineering cost and the associated additional production cost are what I believe is sending the price of automobiles through the roof.

Nevermind the price of the automobile, how about repairs? I have a Ford Taurus wagon that just got out of the shop yesterday - the oil pan gasket was pushing out and I had to have it replaced. The gasket cost $68...the labor - $302 :laugh: :doh: :mad:

...and the worst part is I have the 24 valve engine, which has an upper and lower oil pan gasket. The lower one was the one that cost $370. The mechanic (whom I trust very much) said there is seepage coming from the upper gasket as well...not bad at this point...but "that is going to be big bucks if it goes" is what he said (because I guess $370 ISN'T BIG BUCKS, eh?) :laugh:

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Nevermind the price of the automobile, how about repairs? I have a Ford Taurus wagon that just got out of the shop yesterday - the oil pan gasket was pushing out and I had to have it replaced. The gasket cost $68...the labor - $302 :laugh: :doh: :mad:

...and the worst part is I have the 24 valve engine, which has an upper and lower oil pan gasket. The lower one was the one that cost $370. The mechanic (whom I trust very much) said there is seepage coming from the upper gasket as well...not bad at this point...but "that is going to be big bucks if it goes" is what he said (because I guess $370 ISN'T BIG BUCKS, eh?) :laugh:

It's all part of the same philosophy.... Building a car that cannot be repaired by the average individual or shop, that requires special tools/equipment/computers to work on, and that is designed to break down after a certain amount of time and/or mileage to maximize their income related to the vehicle.

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People wonder why it is that the price of automobiles keeps going up. It's very simple.....

There's a whole lot of engineering cost that goes into designing a vehicle that the MANUFACTURER can fix /maintain quickly and easily with only minimally trained technicians but that the average car owner and auto shop CANNOT fix or maintain easily or quickly. That engineering cost and the associated additional production cost are what I believe is sending the price of automobiles through the roof.

I'm calling BS on this one. I worked as an automotive technician at a dealership and I can tell you first hand that today's cars require A LOT of schooling to be proficient at. Turning wrenches, general remove and install procedures are the same as they used to be (except there's often a lot less space to work) but it takes a tremendous amount of schooling and experience to be able to diagnose the problems today's cars have. You can't walk away from the business and go back several years later like you used to be able to, you'll be lost when you get back.

Cars are more expensive because the demands on the companies have grown from the consumer end and the government regulation end. Today's cars are becoming very technologically advanced and the people who actually diagnose problems are more and more like a computer programmer than a mechanic because everything is computerized.

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Cars are more expensive because the demands on the companies have grown from the consumer end and the government regulation end. Today's cars are becoming very technologically advanced and the people who actually diagnose problems are more and more like a computer programmer than a mechanic because everything is computerized.

You're making my point for me. The manufacturers are making cars more computerized and highly technical in part as a way to ensure that the car owners have to bring the car to the dealership for any little thing. It's as much a money making ploy as it is anything to do with consumer or government demands.

Case in point.... I had to have my 2001 Jeep Grand Cherokee looked at last year. The shop I normally take the vehicle to does not do the type of work necessary so that wasn't going to be an option. It took me nearly two days of phone calls to find a shop in the area that would/could work on the vehicle AND that had the equipment & knowledge to do the work. It still cost me over $600 to have it done (transmission work). Before anyone asks.... The Dealer quoted me a price in excess of $900 for the same work and told me I'd have to wait nearly 2 weeks (that I didn't have) to get an appointment.

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I will admit that I am completely missing the standard Male car repair gene. My father had it but somehow it was not passed on to me. Every 3000-3500 miles my Jeep Grand Cherokee gets dropped off at a shop owned by a friend of mine and gets the oil change and any other necessary regular maintenance (coolant flush, lightbulbs replaced, transmission fluid, etc...) done to it. Then I pick up that evening.

It generally runs me about $65 for the whole deal. Considering my lack of carwork interest and skill, and the value that I place on my free time it's totally worth it for me to have the shop do the work. I know it's probably unmanly to do so, but I just don't see the sense in wasting my time and energy trying to do it myself.

I'm exactly the same as you. I changed my oil one time but after spending 30 minutes just trying to put the filter wrench on the filter that was cleverly placed so that it was almost impossible to do, I said heck with it.

I know a guy that will spend the whole day doing his own brake job just to save $75. My time (and blood pressure) is worth a lot more than that.

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You're making my point for me. The manufacturers are making cars more computerized and highly technical in part as a way to ensure that the car owners have to bring the car to the dealership for any little thing. It's as much a money making ploy as it is anything to do with consumer or government demands.

Case in point.... I had to have my 2001 Jeep Grand Cherokee looked at last year. The shop I normally take the vehicle to does not do the type of work necessary so that wasn't going to be an option. It took me nearly two days of phone calls to find a shop in the area that would/could work on the vehicle AND that had the equipment & knowledge to do the work. It still cost me over $600 to have it done (transmission work). Before anyone asks.... The Dealer quoted me a price in excess of $900 for the same work and told me I'd have to wait nearly 2 weeks (that I didn't have) to get an appointment.

My dad has a Mercedes 2000 C230 Kompressor. Nice car fun to drive, to get the thing serviced is not nearly as bad as the new generation of MBs. They updated all the computer stuff in the cars. While doing this they made the old Diagnostic computers that shops had obsolete.

If you have anthing after 03 I think all the codes changed and the shops had to buy new diagnostic equipment. The shop my pops used to go to told him the new equipment ran 30k per console. Absolutely obscene.

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