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Tell your best WV joke


Major Harris

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after constantly ****in' and moanin' every time i see a wv joke on here, i've realized that, out of quite a few members here who live in/ have lived in wv, i'm the only one that gets pissed.

i've always known that they're just jokes, and i should just laugh 'em off or ignore the really stupid ones. in an effort to do that, and in honor of this post, i encourage you to step up and take your best shot.

guidelines:

be creative. "you #### sheep." or "wv is nothing but rednecks." is unimaginative and not funny.

that's it.

note: i sincerely apologize if there are other wv peeps on here that take offense to this. i'm the only one that pipes up, so i figured it was cool.

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This is my personal favorite (it tells better verbally though):

An old WV farmer found out that his daughter had gone over to Maryland and gotten knocked up by a guy named "Clarence." Whatsmore, Clarence refused to do the honorable thing and marry the girl, completely shirking his responsibility.

So the farmer gathered his three sons together.

"Boys," he said. "Take the ol' pickem-up truck, go over to Maryland, and find this guy Clarence. Bring him back here, and make him do the honorable thing and marry your sister."

So the threee boys jumped in the truck and started toward the Maryland line in search of Clarence.

As they neared the bridge crossing the Potomac, they saw a sign that said "Clearance, 12'10"." So they turned around and went home.

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No offense, but....

Three WV guys are in a bar. One of them starts to choke on a wing when..

one of the other two guys drops his pants and the other licks his butt.

The choking victim immediately throws up at the sight of this, clearing out the impediment...

Upon this happening the two non chokers agree, " that Heiney-Lick maneuver works every time!!"

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No offense, but....

Three WV guys are in a bar. One of them starts to choke on a wing when..

one of the other two guys drops his pants and the other licks his butt.

The choking victim immediately throws up at the sight of this, clearing out the impediment...

Upon this happening the two non chokers agree, " that Heiney-Lick maneuver works every time!!"

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

another 1st! keep 'em coming.

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after constantly ****in' and moanin' every time i see a wv joke on here, i've realized that, out of quite a few members here who live in/ have lived in wv, i'm the only one that gets pissed.

i've always known that they're just jokes, and i should just laugh 'em off or ignore the really stupid ones. in an effort to do that, and in honor of this post, i encourage you to step up and take your best shot.

guidelines:

be creative. "you #### sheep." or "wv is nothing but rednecks." is unimaginative and not funny.

that's it.

note: i sincerely apologize if there are other wv peeps on here that take offense to this. i'm the only one that pipes up, so i figured it was cool.

Whoa, wait a damn minute. I remember a thread being closed because it was getting pretty heated and I my friend was pretty pissed and was defending my fine state to the death. I remember you on that thread as well so don't sell a brother short. Being in the military and not being around my fellow WV's I hear the BS almost on a daily basis. What kills me is how someone from NJ, Arkansas or other states that have no room to talk try to take shot's at us.

I for one am glad people think we're a bunch of illiterate, in-bred, toothless rednecks. Hopefully they'll stay the hell away from my beautiful state. Too bad that doesn't deter them from bulldozing every orchard and farm in Jefferson County to build their big ass homes. It makes me sick everytime I come home. They're "F"ing up my state and destroying all of it's natural beauty. Bastads!

What do you call a virgin in WV?

Any girl who can out run her family.

How does a WV girl turn on the lights when she's done having sex?

Opens up the car door.

What's a WV girls say when she's done having sex?

Get up bro, you're crushing my smokes.

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sorry. :flowers:

i do remember that. you make two. (i hope i didn't forget anyone else.)

The Clarence one is funny as :pooh:

This isn't necessarily a joke but I was driving down to DC with my Cousin, insert joke here, and we passed one of those DOT salt shelters, you know the ones that look like teepee's. Well, with a completely serious face she said, "I wonder what kind of Indians live in those teepee's". I started laughing and she asked what I was laughing about. She was 23yrs old and was completely serious, her Dad had told her that Indians lived in them and that they drove plows for the state to get free room and board. :laugh: What a dumbass! On top of being from WV she was a blonde :D Poor girl.

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Guest peele

Why do WV parents walk their kids to school??

Because they are in the same grade.

In WV they are trying to raise the drinking age to 32....

to get drinking out of the school system.

What do people in WV do with a broke down car on the side of the road??

They build their house beside it.

This is an old one...

You know that the toothbrush was invented in WV...

because if it where made anywhere else it would have been a teeth brush.

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Ten Ways To Tell If A West Virginian Has Been Working On A Computer

    10. The monitor is up on blocks.

    9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

    8. The six front keys have rotted out

    7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts in them.

    6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

    5. The password is "Bubba".

    4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.

    3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

    2. The keyboard is camouflaged.


    1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

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My family has populate WV since it was still part of Va (they were brough over from England to fight the Americans in the Revolutionary War). When the war was over they settled there & have been there ever since. That being said:

Two hunters are walking thru the woods and they come across these tracks. The first hunter looks over & says, 'Dems bear tracks.'

The second hunter scratches his head & replies, 'I don't think so. Dems looks like deer tracks to me.' At about that same time, the train hit them.

Q:How do you circumsize a boy in West Virginia?

A:Kick his sister in the chin.

Q:What do you get when you have 32 WV women in the same room?

A:A full set of teeth.

So, I'm driving thru West Virginia one day & I get lost. I'm driving around on one of these old country roads looking for a place to turn around & head back to the highway when I come up to this farm & see this guy...bangin' a sheep...:rubeyes: I didn't really see that, did I? Man, this guy was goin' to town on this sheep. I kinda felt bad for it. So, I just kept on going thinking that was one of the nastiest things I had ever seen. Still looking for a place to turn around, maybe about 1/2 mile down the road, I see these 2 kids (the eldest being about 11, the younger one was about 7) walking towards to farm that I was just at. So, being the man that I am, I stop the car to warn them.

"Hey kids. Listen, you don't want to go that way. There's something really disgusting that you shouldn't see."

The oldest one says to me, "Well, you might as well tell us what it is, because we have to go that way to get home."

So I tell him, "There's this guy...over the hill there...and he's...well, he's making love...to a...sheep."

The younger one looks up at me & says, "Oh that's ok, mister. He's our Fa-a-a-a-a-a-ather!"

I have more, but a good amount of them are probably not appropriate here.

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Ten Ways To Tell If A West Virginian Has Been Working On A Computer

  • 10. The monitor is up on blocks.

  • 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

  • 8. The six front keys have rotted out

  • 7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts in them.

  • 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

  • 5. The password is "Bubba".

  • 4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.

  • 3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

  • 2. The keyboard is camouflaged.


  • 1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

Now that's some funny chit! Only one problem, most of us don't have lectricity, let alone computers.

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I have more, but a good amount of them are probably not appropriate here.

I have to ask this question. You have two jokes one of which is incestual oral sex and the other is beastiality, and some how you think you have others that you think might be inapporpriate? what are they funny?

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