China Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 No Opinions? No Problem Events are taking place. Disturbing events. World-shaking events. Fortunes are at stake. Countries are at stake. The survival of the most adorable life forms on the planet are at stake. Blogs and news sites across the web host message boards yearning for your commentary. You owe it to everyone to let them know what you think, and by extension what they should think. All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good people fail to register. You may be impaired by -- among other things -- the lack of an actual opinion on the subject at hand. That's OK, opinions are filthy, malodorous things that tend to fall apart under close examination. What you need is something that appears to be an opinion without actually requiring defense, justification or rational thought. While you're wasting time considering context and relevant factors, lesser minds are beating you to the Submit button. This simple guide to posting on message boards requires no more contemplation than is necessary to microwave popcorn. The One-Issue Poster You may not have an opinion about the current issue, but everyone has an opinion about something, whether it's international trade, domestic education or the way cakes in the grocery store look really good but taste like frosted teddy bear fur. Luckily, everything is connected on some tenuous level, so there's no reason to talk about things you don't care about. The easiest approach is to blame a current or former politician for everything that goes wrong. But even if there's no conceivable connection, you can always take the digression express: "The war between Belgium and Finland only adds chaos to a world already torn by the lack of good delivery pizza in the East Bay." The Enigma Don't want to take a stand on a controversial issue, but are dying to contribute to the conversation anyway? Just share a single, vaguely pertinent fact. Context-free data is to an online discussion as raw meat is to a cage full of starving Rottweilers and indignant vegetarians. Say you're looking at an article about gun control. Just pop in and say, "Over 10,000 unarmed people are shot to death by criminals each year." Are you in favor of gun control or against it? You're not saying, but people on both sides will leap to the attack. You'll be the belle of the brawl. By the way, I just made that statistic up. You can go ahead and make up your statistics, too. It just gives people more to argue about. The In-Joker At any given moment, approximately 400 catch phrases are circulating on the web. You don't need any actual wit to adopt one. Even if you're not up on the latest gags, you can always fall back on these standbys: "I, for one, welcome our new (subject of article) overlords." "Needs more cowbell." Or simply "Pwned!" This serves two purposes. First, it establishes you as a hipster and wry lover of textual hi-jinks. Secondly, these jokes sometimes appear to the casual observer to be making a keen satirical point. Note: "All your base are belong to us" is a tempting catch phrase, but resist. This phrase will mark you as dated and out of touch, at least until November 2008, when the phrase will become meta-ironically hip. The Cynic This is one of the easiest techniques, and one of the most powerful. Just remember this handy phrase: "What did you expect?" Did the president get caught trading endangered tiger skins for high-grade heroin? "What did you expect? Politicians are all corrupt." Did tornadoes grind Topeka into a fine, wheat-scented powder? "What did you expect? It's in the middle of tornado country." Did alien amphibians descend upon Canada and devour everyone amid bilingual pleas for mercy? "Come on, there are 100 billion stars in the galaxy. Did you really expect that not one of them would be home to carnivorous toad-people?" Because everything you're "predicting" has already happened, nobody can prove you wrong! You can pick just one of these techniques, or cycle through all of them. Either way, you'll have something to add to any subject, no matter how esoteric, complex or boring. Enjoy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Punani2 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 great thread China... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB44 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 what did you expect? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilmer17 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Did you know that 20 thousand people without a real opinion start topics like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Needs more cowbell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 how very appropriate for this board Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyZeb Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Did you know that 20 thousand people without a real opinion start topics like this? Pwned! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 This thread wouldn't have been necessary if Art Monk was in the Hall of Fame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrypticVillain Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I know people do not know what they are talking about you got people on here saying Portis carries the ball in the wrong hand, which makes him a bum :doh: :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 i would trade Clinton Portis for all your base. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinklein Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Everyone welcome China, our new faking an opinion overlord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 Everyone welcome China, our new faking an opinion overlord. I'm an Enigma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 10,000 kittens died because people registered to sports related forums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TD_washingtonredskins Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 This thread and the ensuing replies is great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cadets08 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 This thread wouldn't have been necessary if Art Monk was in the Hall of Fame. Too true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Predicto Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Because everything you're "predicting" has already happened, nobody can prove you wrong! . Hey - what's that supposed to mean? :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsonny Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I dont get this thread :doh: :doh: :doh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCollins Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 The easiest approach is to blame a current or former politician for everything that goes wrong hmmmm, more few come to mind that use this one :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 hmmmm, more few come to mind that use this one :laugh: Yeah, global warming is all James K Polk's fault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 Bump. Bump. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E-Dog Night Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Every day, thousands of replies are generated on Extremeskins. Threads like this can only cause more replies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan T. Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Yay! One more month and I can start using "All your base are belong to us" again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GibbsFactor Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Did you know that 20 thousand people without a real opinion start topics like this? Beat me to it. :applause::notworthy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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