China Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 15 Excuses for Calling in Sick By By Rosemary Haefner, Senior Career Adviser for CareerBuilder.com It's 6 a.m. and you are about to throw the alarm clock out the window. It's too cold out, you're tired, you had one glass of wine too many last night, you've really got to clean your house, and, most importantly, you haven't had some real bonding time with your couch lately. "Just call in," you tell yourself. "They can get by one day without me." So, in your best sick voice, you leave a near-death sounding message for your boss and throw in a cough just to make it believable. Ferris Bueller has nothing on you! The art of playing hooky CareerBuilder.com recently took a look at employees who call in sick with bogus excuses. Forty-three percent of workers said they called in sick when they felt well at least once during the last year, up from 35 percent in the 2004 survey. The most popular motivator for missing work: good, old-fashioned rest. Almost 23 percent of workers said they just wanted to relax and catch up on sleep. Seventeen percent said they just didn't feel like going in, 16 percent attributed it to a doctor's appointment, and 9 percent said they had to catch up on housework and run personal errands. Three-day weekend or mid-week break? Thirty-eight percent of workers said they viewed sick days as equivalent to vacation days. The most popular day for calling in sick when feeling well was Wednesday, with 27 percent of workers getting over the mid-week hump by fabricating an excuse. While extended weekend absences were also popular, with 26 percent of workers calling in sick on Monday and 14 percent on Friday, those partaking may have put themselves at more risk of scrutiny. Your boss is no fool. Sixty-three percent of hiring managers said they are more suspicious of employees calling in sick on a Monday or Friday. The survey also revealed that some hiring managers were less tolerant of workers playing hooky, with almost one-fourth stating they fired an employee for missing work without a legitimate reason. While the definition of a sick day has evolved, with more employers including mental health and special circumstances in the description, workers should be mindful of company policies and their responsibilities as an employee. "I was abducted by aliens..." When asked to share the most unusual excuses workers gave for missing work, hiring managers shared some of their favorite examples: - "I'm too drunk to drive to work." - "I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet." - "I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work." (Employee was not in the medical profession.) - "I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened." - "My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home." - "I'm too fat to get into my work pants." - "God didn't wake me." (Employee didn't believe in alarm clocks and thought a higher power would wake her when she was ready.) - "I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor." - "The ghosts in my house kept me up all night." - "I forgot I was getting married today." - "My cow bit me." - "My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out." - "I was watching a guy fixing a septic pump, fell in the hole and hurt myself." -"I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back." - "My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhodatSkinsFan? Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 ha, ha,ha can you HIDE this.... my people may see this and start using these.... and THIS ONE!!!!!!!!! ha, ha, ha - "My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jwebst1 Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I'm definitely guilty of the Monday call-ins during football season... It's gotten so bad that they almost expect me to call out.... I guess I should be thankful they like me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilmer17 Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Im actually upfront with my employees. I tell them all if they need a day, just tell me. Dont fake it or make up an excuse, just say "I was out late and feel like *****". Just today, one of my guys called at 9 and said "it's to nice to work, Im playing golf." Totally fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RabidFan Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 You're a good boss Kilmer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoeRedskins Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Im actually upfront with my employees. I tell them all if they need a day, just tell me. Dont fake it or make up an excuse, just say "I was out late and feel like *****".Just today, one of my guys called at 9 and said "it's to nice to work, Im playing golf." Totally fine. Will you be my boss? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilmer17 Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Check the threads about smoking and overall health before you ask that question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsNut73 Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Im actually upfront with my employees. I tell them all if they need a day, just tell me. Dont fake it or make up an excuse, just say "I was out late and feel like *****".Just today, one of my guys called at 9 and said "it's to nice to work, Im playing golf." Totally fine. I did the same thing with my people. I'd much rather know a day or two in advance that you want to take a day off...rather than finding out at 7am on the morning you call in sick. Gives me time to plan for your abscence. ...but I have to admit, I do miss those phone calls in the morning where they sound like they are dying...then show up the next morning fully cured Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncsuapex Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Call in scared, tell'em your afraid you wont be in today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC_Skins Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Check the threads about smoking and overall health before you ask that question. He's DR Evil if you ask me.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonkeySkin Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 I just tell them I have mudd butt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted January 24, 2006 Author Share Posted January 24, 2006 More excuses for calling in sick. These are from a 1994 article in the Washington Post (as suggested by readers): 1. If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. 2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it. 3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. 4. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay? 5. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? 6. No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling. 7. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. 8. I prefer to remain an enigma. 9. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it. 10. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian. 11. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates. 12. I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share. 13. I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You think I should come in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted January 24, 2006 Author Share Posted January 24, 2006 According to CareerBuilder.com here are some other excuses that have actually been given: - I was sprayed by a skunk. - I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious. - My bus broke down and was held up by robbers. - I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity. - I forgot to come back to work after lunch. - I couldn't find my shoes. - I hurt myself bowling. - I was spit on by a venomous snake. - I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow. - A hitman was looking for me. - My curlers burned my hair, and I had to go to the hairdresser. - I eloped. - My brain went to sleep, and I couldn't wake it up. - My cat unplugged my alarm clock. - I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial. - I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India. (note: she passed away 20 years ago) - I forgot what day of the week it was. - Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night. - A tree fell on my car. - My monkey died. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted January 24, 2006 Author Share Posted January 24, 2006 A few more: - I can't come into work today because of eye trouble.... I can't see working today. - When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it. - Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. - A man I worked with once called in with... "My wife's breasts are sore after her breast enlargement so I need to stay home and massage her tits." - Since some people still consider homosexuality a sickness it stands to reason that we can call into work "gay"...as in, I can't come in to work today, I'm gay. - I won't be in to work today. My brain is full. More Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 I did the same thing with my people. I'd much rather know a day or two in advance that you want to take a day off...rather than finding out at 7am on the morning you call in sick. Gives me time to plan for your abscence....but I have to admit, I do miss those phone calls in the morning where they sound like they are dying...then show up the next morning fully cured A couple things. One, you sound like a good boss. I tried to ask ahead of time at my job for Saturday off (on the 14th) but was denied due to scheduling issues. This was in spite of the fact I had taken numerous parts of days, switched around my schedule, etc for her. I was tempted to call in sick but was warned off of this...In any case, I learned that it's better to call out, then try to work around a schedule. In most scenarios, people, when you REALLY NEED IT, will not take your shift. (and it's not as if we REALLY needed the office to be open, but did that matter? Naw..) The other thing is, I've often had 24-36 hour illnesses where I feel pretty good the following day or mid-day after dealing with the chills, fever, etc during the night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncsuapex Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 I can't come into work today because of eye trouble.... I can't see working today AnalGlaucoma, I can't see my ass coming into work. haha I had forgotten about that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 What ever happened to the classic................... I have a bad case of the trots, but I'll be glad to sit in the jon while on the clock if you really want me to come in........................... You don't have to put on the sick voice, and can be perfectly fine the next day. Kilmer, Skinsnut, you sound like a great guys to work for. It's funny where I work. If one of the sales or parts people have the slightest sniffel, the owner coddles them, and even tells them to go home to get some rest often. Myself, and the other two techs in the shop.............. Unless you pass out from high feaver and hit the floor, have a compound fracture, or at least a laceration with arterial bleeding requiring 40 stitches, he wouldn't blink an eye. We're expected to tough it out no matter what ails us because we do the physical work. Calling in sick is for wussies................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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