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Exclusive Faux Interview VI: Mr. Genius Wrong?


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Hey Genius, wuzzzup?

More like, Whoop-tee-do, that’s “wuzzzup.”

What’s your problem? We won! We’re in the playoffs! Why do you have to be so negative?

I’m not being negative; I’m just being honest. Yes, we won. Yes, we made the playoffs. But if Philly didn’t turn the ball over so many times, we would have lost.

Maybe, but aren’t turnovers a part of the game? Besides, we forced most of those turnovers. Or was Reid just calling turnover plays.

Get real. Joe Gibbs is the only coach dumb enough to call turnover plays in a game.

You know what? You’re an *******. You have no right to talk about Joe Gibbs, or the Redskins, the way you do.

Bull****! I have every right to point out the problems with this team, as I see them. If you can’t handle the truth, then you shouldn’t ask me what I think. Got it? I’m a straightforward, tell it like it is kind of guy. It’s who I am. It’s reality baby. Deal with it!

Are you always “honest”, or only when it comes to football?

Honesty is always the best policy. I live in the real world 24/7.

You married?

Yes I am.

How long?

Eighteen years.

Wow, that’s great! Any kids?

Yes. Two boys and a girl.

Got any pictures?

Yeah, why?

I’d like to see your family, that’s all.

Okay. Here’s a picture of my wife.

Damn! What a moose!

Hey! Watch your mouth boy, that’s my wife you’re talking about.

Well, she is just a bit heavy isn’t she?

So what? She’s a GREAT lady.

I’m sure she is. Any pictures of your children?

Yeah. Here’s one of all three of them. That’s Norval on the left, he’s 17, Martha’s in the middle there, but everyone just calls her Marty, she’s 15, and Stevie is 13.

Whoa! I haven’t seen that many pimples since a busload of Cowboy fans mooned me on the way to the Dallas game.

Hey, if all you’re gonna do is make disparaging remarks about my family I’m leaving.

Hey man, I’m just being honest. Didn’t you just say honesty is ALWAYS the best policy?

Yeah but…

But nothin’. Is your wife overweight, or not.

Yeah, a little but…

Are your teenage children a little pimply faced, or not?

Yeah, a little but…

Do you still love your wife?

Of course I do.

And how would you like it if every time you were discussing your family with someone, all they ever talked about was how fat your wife is?

I wouldn’t.

Or what if, instead of talking about how smart, or nice, or how good looking your kids are, the first thing people commented on was their acne, or freckles.

Ok, I get your point. I don’t think it’s the same thing, but I get your meaning. I’ll try to do better.

That’s all I ask.

Ok then, can we change the subject now, and get back to football?

Absolutely. What do you think the Redskins chances are to go deep into the postseason?

Slim and none.

There you go again, Mr. Negative. You know, if you lived back during the Roman Empire, your name would’ve been Negativious Painin Assious.

Yeah, well yours would be Homerus Patheticus.

You’re just pissed off because you’ve been so wrong about this team this season. You said we’d never win with Mark Brunell. That trading Moss for Coles was a monumental mistake. That Portis was a system back. That the game had passed by coach Gibbs. That we’d regret trading away Rod Gardner. That the defense would fall apart without Pierce and Smoot. Etc, etc, etc. And you were wrong. Not a very good record for a so-called Genius if you ask me.

Wrong? Me? I don’t remember saying any of those things.

Well, we have this neat little feature here at Extremeskins where you can search the site for specific things, such as statements, or, threads that might already exist, pertaining to any particular subject in the hope of stifling duplicate threads. And, since there are archives of almost everything that has ever been posted around here, I’m sure I could dig up few of your dire predictions.

Really? I had no idea this site had a search feature.

Don’t feel bad. You’re not alone there.

Well is there really any need to waste time trying to look and see who might have said what, and when? Something might get taken out of context.

Let’s not even go there. There’s plenty of time for that AFTER the season ends.

Whatever. What should I do then?

How about you give us something positive. I think everybody would like to go into our first playoff game feeling good about our chances.

You’re right. Well, if they continue calling the long runs, limit the calling of plays with bad pass routes in them, and throw in a few gidget plays, they might have a chance.

You mean gadget plays?

Whatever. The point is that you can’t win in the playoffs without a good trick play. But when you call it, you better make sure it works, or you’ll lose. Just look at the last time the Redskins were in the playoffs. They called a fake field goal at the end of the game, which was a GREAT CALL by future Hall of Fame coach Norv Turner by the way, then the players didn’t execute it properly and they lost.

That was NOT a fake field goal attempt. It was a botched snap.

Please, don’t insult my incompetence.

Allllllllllllrighty then…do you think our defense can survive the injuries to the secondary? And, do you think we’ll be able to field some good nickel and dime packages?

Why would you even want to field a nickel or dime defense? Being a cheapskate is not the way to win in this league. No, the quarter defense is two and a half times better than the dime, and five times better than the nickel. That’s what I’d do.


Well, being a new year and all, are there any words of wisdom or advice you’d like to pass on to our members?

This ought to be good,

Well, I guess I’d just like to say that I hope everybody had a great and happy holiday season, whichever one they happen to celebrate. Enjoy the playoffs, whatever happens.

And remember that the men and women of our military are standing guard over us all every second, of every day of the year. If you get a chance to thank one, do it.

Damn! I hate it when he’s right.

For those who may have missed them...

Faux I - http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?t=129953&highlight=faux

Faux II - http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?t=131051&highlight=faux

Faux III - http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?t=132249&highlight=faux

Faux IV - http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?t=133903&highlight=faux

Faux V - http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?t=135380&highlight=faux

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