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Exclusive Faux Interview IV: Long live Mr. Genius

Ax

By Ax
in 2005 Archives Forum

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Ax

Ax

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After a glorious victory over the hated Cowboys, we here at Extremeskins are all on Cloud 9. Well, most of us anyway. Mr. Genius returns to give us his take on things. As usual, this interview took place on Monday morning.

Hail! To the Redskins!

Hail! Victory!

Braves on the warpath!

Fight! For old DC! Wooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooo!

Welcome back Mr.Genius. How the hell are you?

I’m doing fine, but for someone whose team is on the verge of missing the playoffs AGAIN, you sure are in a good mood.

What are you talking about? Not only did we just kick the living **** out of our arch rivals, the Dallas Cowboys, sweeping their sorry asses for the first time in ten years, but we also put ourselves back in control of our own destiny concerning the playoffs. So why wouldn’t I be in a good mood?

Well as usual, you can’t see the forest for the trees. If you lose your next two games, you might not make the playoffs at all.

Man you’re a pessimist.

No, I’m a realist.

Well I guess that makes me a homer then.

Look, I don’t really care what your sexual orientation is. And, I never accused you of being a fruitcake. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that) I just believe you can’t see the big picture.

And just what is “The Big Picture?”

King Kong you dope! No, I’m just kidding. The big picture is, that the Redskins got lucky again, and caught the Cowboys on a bye week.

Bye week? They weren’t on a bye week.

No, not bye week, biiiii-week.

What do you mean, bi-week?

You know.

No I don’t know.

Sure you do. You’ve heard all the names before. The Cowgirlzs, The Gayboys, etc…

Where do think those names come from, someone’s imagination?

You mean…

Yes. Instead of having to play “America’s Team”, you got to play, “America’s Queens.” No rough and tough macho men with a linebacker’s attitude. Just a bunch of…how can I say this without being censored…”tight” ends and wide “receivers.”

Wow! We finally agree on something. But I’d like to think we forced them into a…how shall I say this…submissive position, rather than them showing up that way.

Either way it wouldn’t have mattered. I knew the Skins would win.

You did huh? When? AFTER the defense picked off Bledsoe’s first pass?

No, after the Cowboys came out in a Blown Coverage defensive formation. That’s when.

Ha! ha! ha!

What’s so funny?

Sorry, I just remember after our last interview that Monkart, one of our members here, had a question he had wanted to ask you, jokingly of course, about whether or not you thought Parcels would call any blown coverage defenses during the game. Kind of clairvoyant wouldn’t you say?

Well I don’t know who Claire what’s-her-name is, but at the very least you’d have to say that this Monkart guy is very perceptive, because that’s just what old Tuba did. And when they weren’t in “Blown Coverage”, they were in “Missed Tackle.”

Tuba? Don’t you mean Tuna?

Whatever. The fact remains that he called way to many bad defenses during the game. He should have stuck with a 3-4.

So all of our scores were just lucky then, huh?

Well let’s break it down. On the first touchdown, Brunell was clearly trying to throw an interception, but Cooley made a great catch to foil to play and scored the touchdown.

So how’s that blown coverage?

It’s not, but that wasn’t the Blown Coverage defense I was talking about. That was a Don’t Cover Cooley formation. Great call by the Tuna by the way. He knew Brunell would try to throw the pick there.

Riiiight! But weren’t you happy that they threw the ball to a “Big” receiver.

Make fun of my assertion about big receivers if you want, but big guys made five of the six biggest catches in the game. Three touchdowns to Cooley. The catch by Griffin, and the one by Washington.

Do what! Griffin and Washington had interceptions for the defense.

Did they, or did they not catch the ball?

Well yeah, but…

But nothing, it proves that you need big guys catching balls in today’s football, period.

Whatever. So I guess the Blown Coverage Defense was on the one to Cooley in the corner of the end zone where Roy Williams was the closest Cowboy.

No, actually for Roy Williams, that was pretty tight coverage. He was only fifteen feet away from Cooley. Brunell just made a great throw.

Yeah, not bad for ole Mark “I AM DONE.” Brunell, huh?

Well I must admit. I really screwed the pooch on that one.

Whoa! Stop the press! You admit you might be wrong about Brunell?

Wrong? Me? Man, put the crack pipe down brother. I just missed something that’s all.

Yeah what?

Well I was studying the hidden coded message “I AM DONE.” in his name, that I discovered by the way, and I asked myself, why would there be a period after DONE when it wasn’t the end of a sentence? What I discovered was that that period, when modified, er um, magnified 180 degrees, I mean percent, the entire coded message is then revealed.

Here is an illustration of the period before and after magnification: (highlighted in blue)

Before

.

After

___But not

_yet as I still

have more wins

_left in these

___old legs

So as you can see, I wasn’t wrong. I just jumped the gun a little. You know, a premature evaluation.

(I ain’t gonna touch that one) So are you back on the Brunell bandwagon then?

I was never off of it. But then again, I was never really on it either. That’s another sign of my genius you know.

How’s that? All I see is someone who wants to the straddle the fence and claim to be right no matter which side they might happen to fall on.

Like I said, pure genius.

Oh well, let’s move on. It’s late December, the Redskins are in the playoff chase for the first time in what seems like forever, with a HUGE game against a division rival coming up, where the division title hangs in the balance. What do you think should be the main thing Redskin fans should be talking about this week?

That’s easy, the 2008 NFL Draft.

Who the hell cares about the draft? We’re talking about trying to make the playoffs man.

There you go again, forests and trees man, forests and trees.

You’ve got to be kidding, right? Besides, even if we were going to talk about the draft now, wouldn’t it be better to talk about the 2006 draft instead?

You old guys kill me. The 2006 draft discussion is so, yesterday’s news. That was a week 2 topic. Where have you been?

I’ve been busy actually rooting for my team to win each week. We can worry about the draft during the off-season. I’d rather celebrate this win a little bit. Weren’t you at all impressed with the whipping we just put on the Cowboys?

Not really. I mean what was so memorable about it. Denver had John Elway and “The Drive.” San Francisco had Dwight Gooden and “The Catch.” What do you call this? “The Whipping”

Sounds good to me. What would you call it?

The “If We Had Tall Receivers We Would Have Won 80-7”

Or “If Ramsey Was The Starter We’d Be Undefeated”

Or “In 2008 We Should Draft Player X”

You mean Malcolm X.

Malcolm X?

Yes Malcolm X. You remember, the Black Panther.

I know who Malcolm X was. And he was a Muslim, who just happened to be black. Not a Black Panther. I was talking about a hypothetical “Player X.”

Never heard of him. What school does he play for?

Good Lord, can we wrap this thing up?

Sure, if you want to. But first, where does Mel Kiper have this “Player X” ranked on his board?

Jeezuz Christ! Did your mother have any children that lived?

Excuse me?

Nothing. Merry Christmas Mr. Genius. I hope Santa is good to you. Although, being a “realist” and all, you probably run around telling little kids that there is no Santa.

Oh yes there is a Santa.

Homer.

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santanamoss89

santanamoss89

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Sounds good to me. What would you call it?

The “If We Had Tall Receivers We Would Have Won 80-7”

Or “If Ramsey Was The Starter We’d Be Undefeated”

Or “In 2008 We Should Draft Player X”

You mean Malcolm X.

Malcolm X?

Yes Malcolm X. You remember, the Black Panther.

I know who Malcolm X was. And he was a Muslim, who just happened to be black. Not a Black Panther. I was talking about a hypothetical “Player X.”

Never heard of him. What school does he play for?

Good Lord, can we wrap this thing up?

Sure, if you want to. But first, where does Mel Kiper have this “Player X” ranked on his board?

Haha. That part is funny. Great interview.

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Monkart

Monkart

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:laugh: :laugh: I knew Parcells would call that blown coverage play, I just didn't know he'd call it 3 times, and then to add that missed tackle play on was, dare I say Genius!!! :laugh:

Darn!! I'm sorry I missed the window of opportunity to ask The Genuis if he thought Gregg Williams would call the Tiki Bar Defense, baring them from the End Zone. :cheers: Maybe you can ask him if we'll use that on the Eagles next week. That is, if it works this week!

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PCS

PCS

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Mr. Genius sounds like someone I've heard before.

Er...Read.....

Oh. Right. Read.

And ummm maybe more than just one someone.

Oh..right.... got ya.

About time

So.... what are ya trying to say?

:doh:

Great stuff Ax. Love it. Look forward to the next interview.

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Monkart

Monkart

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Posted

Hey Ax,

I guess Gregg Williams "Tiki Bar" defense at least worked on Barring Tiki from the End Zone and from the 100 yard mark, actually now that I think of it. It pretty much did work for the whole Giants Offense. I mean even the Tiki Bar defense can't contain a FLUKE play like Toomers (should not have been called ) TD. Could you ask Mr Genius's if he knows that this defense exist on your next interview?

Us down here in Florida Love the Tiki Bar!!!!

HAIL TO THE REDSKINS

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