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how am i suppose to be mean to a guy?


dks1240

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so i consider myself a pretty nice person. it's really hard for me to be mean to anyone and it's especillay hard for for me to stay mad at someone for a long time. anyway, this has gotten me by in life just fine until this weekend :laugh:

so i met this guy on saturday night--friends of friends. he was a pretty nice guy, i talked to him for about 15 minutes tops. He seemed a little too interested the first time i met him but i didnt think much of it because i know he is dating a girl i am acquaintance with.

and in the matter of 48 hours this guy has managed to semi-creep me out. he has sent me text messages, left me IMs about how im 'gorgeous', asked me to spend the night at his place, etc. and i don't even want to go into what happened at the bar last night because it'll just make everyone here angry. this is all in two days.

anyway, now im in a tough spot. this guy came off as really nice and legit. the fact that he had a girlfriend and he was friends of friends made me not question his motives at first. he played his cards so right and now im in an uneasy situation.

i have dropped the boyfriend bomb numerous times but i guess this doesnt phase him...plus my boyfriend isnt getting home from college for a few more days so i can't shove nick in the guys face to get him away from me. when the guy tries to get me to go over his place, i have made it clear i never plan on going. i change the subject when the guy starts complimenting me.

besides that im not sure what to do. i have a hard time being mean to people ...even guys who have over stepped their boundaries. if it comes down to it, i will be mean but i feel like this is different because we have mutual friends. also, im almost worried to be mean to him because of how quickly he has taken to me...maybe something isnt right, ya know? anyway, does anyone have any suggestions? my plan, as of now, is to just let whatever the guy says to me roll off my back and ride it out until my boyfriend gets home from school...then hopefully having him around will give the guy a clue. is that too nice of me though?

his girlfriend even messaged me last night about him and how he was acting toward me. now im just worried this might cause a break up and this guy is just going to try to pursue me even more.

i know this is lots of rambling and sorry for that...im just so confused about how this has happened in such a short period of time.

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Give him a swift kick in the Nads ,works like a charm for my daughter :laugh:

She is such a sweet girl. ;)

:laugh:

ive hit two boys in my life. (and when i say hit i mean i punched them in the face, ugh :doh: )....one called my sister a whore and one lied and told everyone i slept with him. ive tried to go the nonviolent route since the last encounter.

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If you don't respond to him he should get the message. Don't answer back IM's or text messages. Don't answer his calls. If he enters a room turn away. And be a little rude and blunt if you need to and tell him that you are not interested and would never betray your friend. Then walk away without giving him a chance for rebuttal.

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It there any way to simply avoid him for the next few days?

i could blow of his IMs and phone calls. im almost worried to completely cut him off because of how quickly this guy has come on to me...not really sure what he is capable of sort of deal. if that makes sense.

other dilemma...my boyfriend is fed up already. he wants to talk to the guy. right now i told him no just because i like to handle things like this myself. but im almost considering it. what do you guys think about that?

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Ahhh... to be 21 again... ;)

Seriously, though... whatever you do, don't tell the girlfriend. That'll just make you the bad guy (or girl, in this case). She'll never believe you and think you're jealous, trying to destroy their relationship or whatever. Tell dude to cool his jets.

Permanently.

With extreme prejudice.

He's downright being disrespectful to you. If he doesn't get that, then have your boyfriend have a "friendly chat" with him.

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Don't know enough details to know if you are overreacting or underreacting, but if you can keep the boyfriend out I would. Giving the cold shoulder should be sufficient. He may not know how he is coming off or realize he needs to stop. If he is known through your other friends maybe you should quietly ask about him... is he nuts, really passionate, or just intense. Obviously, he did something over the line. Feeding him attention probably makes him think that there's hope.

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God. It's hell getting old. I didn't know this war was still going on.

I've got two daughters and my advice would be to flat out tell him you're not interested. End the drama on your terms. I wouldn't advise letting your boyfriend 'talk' to him as this would most likely end in some kind of conflict.

Being firm in your stance is not being mean. Good luck. :2cents:

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id like to think im not overreacting. last night in the bar parking lot, the guy tried to pull me into his car (literally drag me in) and take me home with him. luckily a guy friend was nearby and stopped the guy and told him to leave. this has almost made me let nick get involved.

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id like to think im not overreacting. last night in the bar parking lot, the guy tried to pull me into his car (literally drag me in) and take me home with him. luckily a guy friend was nearby and stopped the guy and told him to leave. this has almost made me let nick get involved.

Holy crap if I were your boyfriend reading this there would be some ass-kickings involved. WTF is that guy thinking?

....

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Holy crap if I were your boyfriend reading this there would be some ass-kickings involved. WTF is that guy thinking?

....

right, and i feel bad for nick...i dont want him to have to deal with crap like this. especially when he is so far away and feels obligated to do something but cant do that much.

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and as for the 'dont tell the girlfriend' comment:

the guy who stepped in and told the guy to leave me alone in the parking lot went home and told the guy's girlfriend immediately and told her how he was acting around me. so i was honest with her, not much i could have done there.

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I would talk to your mutual friends, in addition to ignoring his IMs and texts. I think being mean might egg him on more, and maybe one of your mutual friends stepping in and telling him he's crossed the line might be better.

And if he keeps IM'ing you, make up something about how you can't talk at that moment because your VD is acting up.

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You HAVE to ignore him or just tell him to stop, that he's scaring you. At this point, it's gotten a little too weird IMO.

You aren't dealing with flirting or subtle hints anymore...if he's physically grabbing you and dragging you into vans when he has a GF and knows you have a BF, then there's something wrong.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you're either not being clear enough (and he must think you're still giving him some signals) or he's just dense and you'll have to turn it up a notch.

Good luck!

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id like to think im not overreacting. last night in the bar parking lot, the guy tried to pull me into his car (literally drag me in) and take me home with him. luckily a guy friend was nearby and stopped the guy and told him to leave. this has almost made me let nick get involved.

holy s! this guy is out of control. Here's what you do: bring him to the tailgate Sunday and we will take care of him. :nutkick:

When we're done with him we'll drag what left of him down to DTC and tell the Mayor that this fool is a cowboy fan.

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id like to think im not overreacting. last night in the bar parking lot, the guy tried to pull me into his car (literally drag me in) and take me home with him. luckily a guy friend was nearby and stopped the guy and told him to leave. this has almost made me let nick get involved.

You aren't overreacting the guy must be dealt with

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All you need to do is, next time you see him (or he text messages you) and he's trying to get you over to his place. Just freak him out, reply by saying something like, "I'd love to come over! I was thinking, maybe you'll turn on some music, we'll have a few drinks, and then we could both pull out our ***** and see who's is bigger.". If that doesn't freak him out, then you're dealing with a weirdo. :)

Seriously though, I think you just need to be straight up with the guy, especially considering that stunt he pulled trying to get you in his car. Just tell him to leave you alone, and you may just have to be as mean as possible. Otherwise, if you're being too nice he might just think you're playing hard to get.

If all else fails, just do what Burgold said. Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone, you'll have your big brothers from Extreme come and take care of him ... and one of your Extreme brothers (me) is a big black guy, and we're always angry, so I don't need more of a reason to get upset. I'll be flying in on Thursday if you need me. ;) Hope you get rid of this guy.

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