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Mr. T

The Gibber

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-Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

-Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

-Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

-Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.

-Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where he is in the world.

-Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

-Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

-Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

-All that glitters is not gold: If it's not being worn by Mr. T, then it's just jibba jabba, and Mr. T pities the fool who can't tell the difference. This is where the phrase "fool's gold" comes from.

-23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

-Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.

-On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

-Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

-Mr. T once beat Mike Tyson in a boxing match with only his left thumb. After the three second match was over, Mr. T pitied Mike Tyson so bad that he began to talk funny.

-Michael Jackson is the only fool that Mr. T refuses to pity. He finds that it would be insulting to the pity.

-Mr. T didn't know Rocky was a movie. He just wanted to kick the blah out of a white guy and steal his b**ch, A-team style.

-When he found out he would lose the rematch while making Rocky III, Mr. T administered to Sylvester Stallone an angy look. Seeing Mr. T's anger broke every bone in Sly's face, left him mildly retarded and unable to remember the incident. To this day, Sly has no idea why he blah his pants at the mere sight of a black man with a mohawk.

-Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

-There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

-Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

-Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

-You can lead Mr. T to water, but chances are that you will die there.

-When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

-Mr. T once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.

-Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

-Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

-Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth blah itself and created Scotland.

-If you were born before 1980, there is a good chance that Mr. T is your father. If you were born after, it's guaranteed.

-Mr. T once fell into a pool of lava. He nearly drowned.

-Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you.

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Vin Diesel Facts

-When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

-If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

-There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. **** you, team.

-There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

-When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

-When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

-Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

-Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.

-When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

-Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

-Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill. 1343 8.01

-Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULL****!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

-Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

-Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****.

-Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

-Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

-You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

-Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

-In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

-Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

-Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while ******* another.

-The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

-If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response. 1417 7.91

-On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

-Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

-Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

-When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

-Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. -Vin Diesel defied MC Hammer and touched it.

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-When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

-Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.


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