Jump to content
Washington Football Team Logo
Extremeskins

Is this extreme parenting.


tlk2rn

Recommended Posts

Mom Makes Teen Stand on Street With Sign By SEAN MURPHY, Associated Press Writer

Wed Nov 16, 9:42 PM ET

Tasha Henderson got tired of her 14-year-old daughter's poor grades, her chronic lateness to class and her talking back to her teachers, so she decided to teach the girl a lesson.

She made Coretha stand at a busy Oklahoma City intersection Nov. 4 with a cardboard sign that read: "I don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents are preparing me for my future. Will work for food."

"This may not work. I'm not a professional," said Henderson, a 34-year-old mother of three. "But I felt I owed it to my child to at least try."

In fact, Henderson has seen a turnaround in her daughter's behavior in the past week and a half. But the punishment prompted letters and calls to talk radio from people either praising the woman or blasting her for publicly humiliating her daughter.

"The parents of that girl need more education than she does if they can't see that the worst scenario in this case is to kill their daughter psychologically," Suzanne Ball said in a letter to The Oklahoman.

Marvin Lyle, 52, said in an interview: "I don't see anything wrong with it. I see the other extreme where parents don't care what the kids do, and at least she wants to help her kid."

Coretha has been getting C's and D's as a freshman at Edmond Memorial High in this well-to-do Oklahoma City suburb. Edmond Memorial is considered one of the top high schools in the state in academics.

While Henderson stood next to her daughter at the intersection, a passing motorist called police with a report of psychological abuse, and an Oklahoma City police officer took a report. Mother and daughter were asked to leave after about an hour, and no citation was issued. But the report was forwarded to the state Department of Human Services.

"There wasn't any criminal act involved that the officer could see that would require any criminal investigation," Master Sgt. Charles Phillips said. "DHS may follow up."

DHS spokesman Doug Doe would not comment on whether an investigation was opened, but suggested such a case would probably not be a high priority.

Tasha Henderson said her daughter's attendance has been perfect and her behavior has been better since the incident.

Coretha, a soft-spoken girl, acknowledged the punishment was humiliating but said it got her attention. "I won't talk back," she said quietly, hanging her head.

She already has been forced by her parents to give up basketball and track because of slipping grades, and said she hopes to improve in school so she can play next year.

Donald Wertlieb, a professor of child development at the Eliot-Pearson Department of Child Development at Tufts University, warned that such punishment could do extreme emotional damage. He said rewarding positive behavior is more effective.

"The trick is to catch them being good," he said. "It sounds like this mother has not had a chance to catch her child being good or is so upset over seeing her be bad, that's where the focus is."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe it could have been corrected BEFORE getting to that point,of course it is easy to second guess...at least the mother is concerned enough to try something.

My children were monitored almost daily for grades and behavior,and knew adjustments to thier lifestyle would result if needed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is probably bad parenting. I don't really know the situation, and I can imagine that if they have a really good relationship, this might be okay, but for the most part, it's probably a terrible idea. Kids need confidence.

The minute she does anything remotely good, her mother needs to ask her to return to the same corner with a sign saying " future college graduate." Maybe mom can carry a sign saying I underestimated my child. The daughter needs the proper incentives and I think she may have found them. I applaud mom for not giving up. By the way, I teach at an alternative school and kids are conditioned to believe that grown ups will give up on them or give in to them. :2cents:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not extreme parenting perhaps, but lousy parenting, that's for sure.

I don't necessarily agree with you here. Not knowing what the history is behind the case, I can't really give a vote of yea or nea, because I could see being both wrong, and right. There can be some real progress that can come out of this, and accountability for ones actions is a great lesson for one to learn at a young age. I can also understand how if she was not that strong in her studies, then it couod do irreprable harm. Not knowing the history behind the case I don't know which way to side on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok, with a son that graduated near the top of his class from a tech magnet school, and recieved a full ride to college, maybe I'm qualified to give an opinion on this.

The drastic measure taken by humiliating the child, was an act of desperation, resulting from poor parenting. Punishment is used too often as a substitute for communication. Ok so I'm going to rant a little.

When my son was 2yo, he started to cross the street when a car was coming, I yanked him back up onto the curb, and out of fear, I gave him a quick couple of wacks on his rear. He began crying intensely and looked at me angrily and said "you are not my friend".

Now, I know what you're thinking, "you can't always be your child's friend"

suspend judgement for minute.

So I reflected on what had happened, my reaction, my son's reaction and

deducted the following: If physical punishment was of any value in the long term, then the threat of physical punishment should have equal value. What if physical punishment diminishes the parent child relationship to the extent that communication is ineffective? You guessed it, they stop listening to you. Do you listen to people that you don't like? I don't.

On that day, I decided that I would never strike my child again. I kept that promise. I also told my son about my "new policy" and that he would have to listen to me so that "we" wouldn't have to go there. He did.

What followed was an incredible relationship and allot of explaining. When

you exchange "Because I say so" or "Because I'll smack you" with

"you need to do or not do these things for your benifit because it will help you in life with school, work, family, friends........................................................................................",

not only are you showing your child that you really care, you're also teaching them how to care for and about themselves. The greatest gift we can give our children is self worth and self esteme. Shaming them is the opposite of this. It's telling them that They are no good.

The Strongest feelings and memories that we have are of being embarassed and being ashamed. It may be a deterent but the resulting baggage is heavy. Like using a sledge hammer to rid you leg of a mosquito.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So I reflected on what had happened, my reaction, my son's reaction and

deducted the following: If physical punishment was of any value in the long term, then the threat of physical punishment should have equal value. What if physical punishment diminishes the parent child relationship to the extent that communication is ineffective? You guessed it, they stop listening to you. Do you listen to people that you don't like? I don't.

I agree on many of your points. However, this lady was not punishing her child physically. She was giving her daughter a reality check. One that she apparently needed. This isn't a 2 year-old child either. The difference between punishing a 2 year-old and a near adult are miles apart.

You said, "not only are you showing your child that you really care, you're also teaching them how to care for and about themselves. The greatest gift we can give our children is self worth and self esteme. Shaming them is the opposite of this. It's telling them that They are no good."

Shame is not a bad thing. Shame can be a powerful motivating force. Shame can make the self-centered more grounded. If she is ashamed to be on the street corner, do you think she wants to return by continuing her exploits?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dean, I just wanted to say I appreciate you taking the time to write your thoughts on parenting and physical punishment. (I'm about to get all Oprah on ya...)

Granted, I have no experience as a father whatsoever--and don't want any until I'm at least 30 :D --but I do have plenty of experience as a son. My dad is ex-military (Green Beret) and from a blue collar family; his father beat the hell out of him, and he in turn beat the hell out of me and my brothers. Anyway, the reason I'm bringing this up is it goes along with a point you made:

What if physical punishment diminishes the parent child relationship to the extent that communication is ineffective? You guessed it, they stop listening to you.

I agree 100%; my relationship with my father's always been negatively affected by the way he punished me as a child. It definitely has an effect on communication, and when I'm a dad I know I will never do the same to my child. Thanks for your post, Dean. :notworthy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As a parent you always need to be careful not to overly shame a child -- guilt can be crippling. However, you cannot totally excise all shame and guilt from your child's life without raising an immoral child. A person should feel ashamed and guilty when they've done something wrong -- that little voice in our head telling us this is wrong keeps us from danger. And, never feeling any guilt or shame is the very definition of a sociopath.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wouln't want my child afraid of screwing up and being publicly embarrased' date=' I would want them to strive to make me proud in order to get accolades.....maybe I'm not realistic.[/quote']

well screwing up=publicly embarassed and achievement=accolades are both life.

even here when redskins play well we post 10k threads about X is the team MVP, best acquisition ever etc and want to meet them.

when they play poorly we post 10k threads about how they suck, they're a bust, personal insults, and want to chastise them in public places (booing).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank god there are still parents out there that have a clue. This woman should be given a medal, not critized.

I agree. Right or not, I applaud her efforts. She obviously cares, which is more than a lot of parents do nowadays.

And there is nothing wrong with a little public humiliation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As a parent you always need to be careful not to overly shame a child -- guilt can be crippling. However, you cannot totally excise all shame and guilt from your child's life without raising an immoral child. A person should feel ashamed and guilty when they've done something wrong -- that little voice in our head telling us this is wrong keeps us from danger. And, never feeling any guilt or shame is the very definition of a sociopath.

Agree mostly.....Heathy shame= "I am a human and will make mistakes"

Unheathly shame= "I am not a good person that's why I make mistakes"

Guilt is an unnecessary emotion. Being responsible for the consequeces of our actions does not have to include guilt. Remorse, yes..........then make restitution/ammends, learn and move on. Guilt is more like a tattoo, it doesn't go away, what good is that?

The high road is gaining the awareness that

if I do something unethical or socially irresponsible, then I will have betrayed my values and feel remorsefull, then need to make amends/restitution, learn and move on.

We reach ethical maturity when we are able to think this process thru during the contemplation of the spontaneously flawed idea. (how's this going to play out?) The opposit of this is "what happens if I get caught" I might have to stand on the street corner with a sign around my neck (or be placed in the stockades during the colonial period).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...