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"THE RULES" MEN'S VERSION--MUST READ


DeanCollins

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View Full Version : The Rules - Men's version....

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

PLEASE NOTE: These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us b***hing about you leaving it down.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.

Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, any comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.

Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.

No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

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This is your one stop shop for wife/GF tutoring, these two crack me up

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

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Yes yes. Outstanding. :laugh: Funny even. However, as soon as we get done laughing patting ourselves on the back, we'll go right back to living things by their rules for the most part, (while posting here and telling friends otherwise). :silly: Hell. I even remember the first 6-10. ;)

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so true? I understand the "eh, that was funny response," but I'd say only one or two of them had even an ounce of truth to them. The rest just played on stereotypes.

I'd be interested to know which were the only ones you felt had an ounce of truth.

Yes, most were based on stereotypes. Those stereotypes exist for a reason.

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so true? I understand the "eh, that was funny response," but I'd say only one or two of them had even an ounce of truth to them. The rest just played on stereotypes.

Looks like someone is trying to get on the women's side with this post...

Come back to the light, step away from the darkside.

Margaret Perin would be ashamed of you. (She's a God Warrior).

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so true? I understand the "eh, that was funny response," but I'd say only one or two of them had even an ounce of truth to them. The rest just played on stereotypes.

Don't take this as a shot or anything, but every straight male I know, these are almost all true for. And the straight ones I do know who may not agree, were brought up by nothing but women so that's all they know.

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In defense of women, not all of them need to hear the entire list, but nearly all of them need to hear several items on this list.

My favorite was the first one listed: The toilet seat dilema. What women need to understand is that by leaving the toilet seat up we are protecting the surface of the seat for their pretty rear ends. I mean, what if one of our drunk friends stumbles in there and forgets to raise the seat? What if he barfs? ugghh, she doesn't want to sit on that does she? What if the dog is thirsty? She doesn't want to sit in his slobber does she? By keeping the seat raised we are being sensitive to the woman's needs. They should thank us.

This has been a public service announcement.

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In defense of women, not all of them need to hear the entire list, but nearly all of them need to hear several items on this list.

My favorite was the first one listed: The toilet seat dilema. What women need to understand is that by leaving the toilet seat up we are protecting the surface of the seat for their pretty rear ends. I mean, what if one of our drunk friends stumbles in there and forgets to raise the seat? What if he barfs? ugghh, she doesn't want to sit on that does she? What if the dog is thirsty? She doesn't want to sit in his slobber does she? By keeping the seat raised we are being sensitive to the woman's needs. They should thank us.

This has been a public service announcement.

Been in trouble alot have ya? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Great spin on that one.

;)

Blondie

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