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Dutch Scientist : Doom is NOT in the box ; Speechless Art, apparently devastated


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Associated Presto News Reports

October 28, 2005

Amsterdamm, Netherlands ; Hans Schmeckelschmidt, world reknowned Geo-physicist and archeologist, and winner of the Nobel Peace Award in 2001, has made a controversial announcement from his Netherlands laboratories.

After unearthing "The Box" from a remote, top-secret location in Northern Africa, Hans announces, "We believe we have enough evidence to conclude that Doom is actually NOT in the box. Further testing is necessary, and may take years, even decades to complete, but my team and I believe that this further testing will only confirm our theory that Doom cannot be found in the box."

Art Mills, a long-time and avid proponent of Doom, and the fact that he believes it to be found in "the box", was not available for comment.

However, his attorney, Dinglewood Poston had this to say. "At this time, my client, Mr Mills, has no comment on these recent developments."

While Art remained solemnly silent, outrage was the common theme at the ExtremeSkins message board, where he frequents.

Tarhog stated, "How can you NOT believe in Doom, after the way the Skins thrashed the 49ers, 52-17 ?!?! "

Bulldog was quoted as saying, "This is absurd. One minute scientists are saying there's no doom in the box. The next minute they say it IS in the box. And the next minute they're back to saying it's NOT in the box. Just like when they used to say eggs increase your cholesterol. then they say that it doesn't. Now it's back to causing high cholesterol. I dont buy their theories for a minute"

Navy Dave was quoted as saying, "What's next ?!? Are they going to tell us that something as pleasureable as sex is going to cause diseases ?!?! "

Timmy, Art's #1 Fan was quoted, "The hell with Hans. I'm going to keep on buying into Doom, as long as Art does."

Bang offered the most vengeful response to Professor Schmeckelschmidt's comments "We'll see where Hans stands, when I do a cartoon about Doom. If he's not careful, Doom is going to come bite him in the @$$. Then we'll see if he believes in Doom"

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