Fantasy Trash Talk Thread

[AJWatson3]

Let this be a place to share the best trash talk you've taken place in.

I just posted the following in my head-to-head fantasy baseball league where for the first time both my father (50) and younger brother (12; second year playing) participated. In our league, "Cork Your Enthusiasm" I am running away with first place and only two weeks 'till the playoffs. Second place is 15.5 games back. Fourth place is 27.5. You get the picture. My dad's team has slid from second place to sixth over the last month and continues to talk **** about how my team's going to choke in the playoffs. I used Jim Mora's "Playoffs..." rant as my model, and made sure all stats presented were accurate:

"And Y!'Fantasy SportsCenter's #1 "Not Top-Ten" highlight of the week comes from Jesper Jenkins, head coach of the "Butt kickin Grampas". Jenkins rant was in reponse to team owner, Alan J. Watson Jr's boast that his team was as dangerous as "Global Bench-Warmers", whose dominance this season has been absolutely unprecedented in the annals of fantasy sports....

Watson Jr's comments were made right on the heels of the "Grampas" fourth straight loss in which his team has been beaten by an average score of 10-4.

Here was Jesper's response:

'Let me start out saying this: Do NOT blame that game on the offense, OK? I don't care who you play, whether it's a high school team, a college team, a AAA team, much less an MLB team, when you got ERA's of over 5.00, five times in a week. . . you ain't gonna beat anybody. That was a disgraceful performance. ... We gave it away. We gave them the frigging game. In my opinion, that sucked.

You can't have ERA's over 5.00. Holy crap. I don't know who the hell we think we are when we do something like that ... We've been whooped four straight weeks. That might be a league record. And we've still got 2 weeks till the end, so there's no telling how many we'll lose. I mean, it's absolutely pitiful to play like that . . . Horrible. Just horrible. Horrible.

Playoffs? Don't talk about playoffs. Are you kidding me? Playoffs? I'm just hoping we can win a game, another game.'

The "Grampas" recent slide has landed them in 6th place in the Cork Your Enthusiasm league, 34 and 1/2 games out of first and with each passing day their playoff hopes seem to fade away. The fast closing "Notorious M.I.K.E." and "Ack!! Tumbleweed!!!" are now within five games of the final playoff spot.

This is Dingo Jones, reporting for Yahoo! Fantasy Sport Network."

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Jim Mora's actual rant:

"Let me start out saying this: Do NOT blame that game on the defense, OK? I don't care who you play, whether it's a high school team, a junior college team, a college team, much less an NFL team, when you turn the ball over five times . . . you ain't gonna beat anybody. That was a disgraceful performance. ... We gave it away. We gave them the frigging game. In my opinion, that sucked.

You can't turn it over five times. Holy crap. I don't know who the hell we think we are when we do something like that ... We've thrown [five] interceptions returned for touchdowns. That might be a league record. And we've still got six games left, so there's no telling how many we'll have. I mean, it's absolutely pitiful to play like that . . . Horrible. Just horrible. Horrible.

Playoffs? Don't talk about playoffs. Are you kidding me? Playoffs? I'm just hoping we can win a game, another game."