Friend on Hard Drugs

[Die Hard]

You don't do anything. It's not your place. It's not your life.

It's his life to do with whatever he pleases. Even if it means he wants to throw it away.

If he wants to change, he'll do it on his own timetable.

Whether he decides to or not, whether he hits rock bottom or not.

It usually takes a serious life-changing event to turn your life around.

Talking to a long-time friend who you see once every few years isn't the "event". Heck, best friends, girlfriends, or parents won't sway anybody either.

Let him be. He's obviously accepting of the consequences of his chosen lifestyle.

And as long as it doesn't negatively affect you.... then don't worry about it.

[Cdowwe]

well put Die Hard

[footballhenry]

Originally posted by Die Hard

You don't do anything. It's not your place. It's not your life.

It's his life to do with whatever he pleases. Even if it means he wants to throw it away.

If he wants to change, he'll do it on his own timetable.

Whether he decides to or not, whether he hits rock bottom or not.

It usually takes a serious life-changing event to turn your life around.

Talking to a long-time friend who you see once every few years isn't the "event". Heck, best friends, girlfriends, or parents won't sway anybody either.

Let him be. He's obviously accepting of the consequences of his chosen lifestyle.

And as long as it doesn't negatively affect you.... then don't worry about it.

and when he od's on cocaine or something even worse? how do you think id feel knowing I could have done something?

he asked for help once, but now lies to his mom and tells her hes all good. his mom beleives him and has no clue that hes doing these hard drugs right now... as a friend its hard to just look the other way.

[BG]

Originally posted by Die Hard

You don't do anything. It's not your place. It's not your life.

It's his life to do with whatever he pleases. Even if it means he wants to throw it away.

If he wants to change, he'll do it on his own timetable.

Whether he decides to or not, whether he hits rock bottom or not.

It usually takes a serious life-changing event to turn your life around.

Talking to a long-time friend who you see once every few years isn't the "event". Heck, best friends, girlfriends, or parents won't sway anybody either.

Let him be. He's obviously accepting of the consequences of his chosen lifestyle.

And as long as it doesn't negatively affect you.... then don't worry about it.

I agree with that 100%

Just try to be there if he does need your help and asks for it.

[Spaceman Spiff]

Originally posted by footballhenry

Guys with all due respect all this bickering really doesnt help the issue at hand. i appreciate the advice and would love to hear any thing else that i could use to maybe help my friend, thanks...

How'd I know this thread would turn into people defending or rallying against drugs?

[jbooma]

Originally posted by Die Hard

You don't do anything. It's not your place. It's not your life.

It's his life to do with whatever he pleases. Even if it means he wants to throw it away.

If he wants to change, he'll do it on his own timetable.

Whether he decides to or not, whether he hits rock bottom or not.

It usually takes a serious life-changing event to turn your life around.

Talking to a long-time friend who you see once every few years isn't the "event". Heck, best friends, girlfriends, or parents won't sway anybody either.

Let him be. He's obviously accepting of the consequences of his chosen lifestyle.

And as long as it doesn't negatively affect you.... then don't worry about it.

Henry DH is 100% right here.

As for Chomerics, having worked in jail before and able to talk to the addicts almost every single day not one has ever said it was alchohol is the reason they went to harder drugs.

I don't care about the stats you presented because it doesn't take in account that everyone has tried drinking and most start with that. The difference between beeing drunk and hungover is completely different then the high you get while smoking, you can't copy that high with drinking but you can with other drugs, remember alcohol leaves your body in hours, pot stays in you and affects your brain, there is a difference.

It is the chemical imbalance you get from smoking that gets you that "high", alcohol is a different reaction. Yes a lot drink but it isn't a gateway drug since all do it.

I have done pot, and other stuff, it was the pot that made me want more not the drinking, why don't you ask an addict yourself, you might be shocked to find out the answer.

I have never heard someone say I did coke or x just say I can get the same feeling as the hangover I got the other day :doh:

Now pot doesn't impact everyone the same way, that is why some feel it is fine and doesn't bother them but others it is different, which is the same for every drug, it all depends on the person.

[Ancalagon the Black]

Footballhenry, I would phone a Narcotics Anonymous helpline and take their advice.

[Raub]

I found out about a year ago that my best friend of the past 20 years was smoking crack. We've known each other since middle school and even though we didn't always live close, we always kept in touch. I always considered him to be a member of the family. He put up a good appearance for as long as he could. Then I found out that he hadn't made a mortgage payment in a year, his house was being foreclosed, and he was selling everything he had to get money. Since then, he has gone to jail twice, lost 2 or 3 jobs, got caught in a motel room w/ crack whores by his former girlfriend, and assorted other crap. I've tried several times to help the guy because I love him like a brother. He doesn't even call or visit anymore and we only live about 20 miles apart now. I finally realized that there was nothing I could do if he didn't want help. I think he REALLY needs to hit rockbottom before he figures it out. I just hope rockbottom isn't him dying.

Good luck man, it's a tough road.

[Renegade7]

Help him help himself, FH. If he doesn't want to help himself, don't waste your time.

[Die Hard]

Originally posted by footballhenry

and when he od's on cocaine or something even worse? how do you think id feel knowing I could have done something?

Um, you don't need to feel anything but sympathy for the man for making some wrong decisions.

But don't fool yourself into thinking that you *could* have done something.

You can try, I suppose, but you'll fail. You're not in any position to change a person's life who doesn't want or need your help.

Is he asking for help? No.

If he does. Be there. But until he does, I don't believe your friend will take kindly to telling him how to live his life.

[BG]

Originally posted by footballhenry

and when he od's on cocaine or something even worse? how do you think id feel knowing I could have done something?

he asked for help once, but now lies to his mom and tells her hes all good. his mom beleives him and has no clue that hes doing these hard drugs right now... as a friend its hard to just look the other way.

Take ATB's advice. That's one way to go, but believe me when I tell you that if you try to force his hand, you'll only regret it.

Sure, talk to him try to encourage him. Maybe remind him that you miss the days when he was sober and not into the sh*t that he's in now.

If you go behind his back, you may end up humiliating him and sending him deeper into the throes of self destruction.

Just let him know you are a friend, you don't approve of his actions, but will do anything for him so long as he asks for it.

[Ancalagon the Black]

Originally posted by BG

Take ATB's advice. That's one way to go, but believe me when I tell you that if you try to force his hand, you'll only regret it.

If you go behind his back, you may end up humiliating him and sending him deeper into the throes of self destruction.

I agree 100%. That's why I suggested NA. They openly admit that they cannot help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. Their counseling services will help friends and family, and in your case, footballhenry, they might help you deal with any guilt or conscience pangs you might be having. They will not arrange for an "intervention" or anything like that.

[footballhenry]

Originally posted by Die Hard

Um, you don't need to feel anything but sympathy for the man for making some wrong decisions.

But don't fool yourself into thinking that you *could* have done something.

You can try, I suppose, but you'll fail. You're not in any position to change a person's life who doesn't want or need your help.

Is he asking for help? No.

If he does. Be there. But until he does, I don't believe your friend will take kindly to telling him how to live his life.

i appreciate the advice, and i suppose your right to an extent. the thing is he did ask for help once, he told his mom that he has a problem. but now they kind of turned the cheek a bit and 'trust' hes doing better. they were going to send him to rehab from my the info i gathered but didnt because he said he was doing better now. im surprised they arent more strict to be honest, theyre arent very strict at all (especially the mother).

[Ancalagon the Black]

He might still need help but be embarrassed to ask his family.

[Die Hard]

Originally posted by footballhenry

i appreciate the advice, and i suppose your right to an extent. the thing is he did ask for help once, he told his mom that he has a problem.

Well, that's a little bit of important info you've left out huh?

Throw us a frickin' bone here! Need the info! {dr evil voice}

That changes everything.

[Baculus]

Well, I've told a friend that was into cocaine that I thought it was a bad, bad idea, and he knew the reason why it was at that time. Even if you can't change him, at least letting him know that what you think or feel would get it out of the way, and maybe into his own thinking process. Sure, he can probably explain away how he may have it under control, but even reminders from friends can help.

I think alcohol can be labeled a gateway drug because it is an intoxicant. It introduces the idea of getting a "buzz," and one buzz sometimes leads to another. Also, these days, you see kids who skip the entire marijuana scene and go straight into cocaine. And yes, some of their first highs are with alcohol, and sometimes with marijuana as well.

It is wrong to assume, though, that one will lead to another. Some folks who become cocaine addicts hate marijuana. Why? It doesn't have the same "up" buzz they are looking for when they imbibe. Heck, you can even say that cigarettes are a gateway substance, since many kids and folks start with that, too.

It's up to the person and how they deal with substances. It varies with every drug and every person. Some are more responsible and conscious then others. It's just how life is at times.

By the way, I lost a good friend to heroin, so the pitfalls of hardcore addiction hits home to me.

[dreamingwolf]

anyone who says "gateway drug" is a complete idiot. If you want to use gateway put it where it belongs, on the dealers and the friends of the virgin user who are hooking a friend. I was deep in that crap for awhile to make partying money, and I gotta say its really sad to see some of the users.

[Fred Jones]

Good luck footballhenry. I agree with the posters that said the best thing you can do is be upfront and honest with this person and let him know how you feel. He has to come around on his own. You cannot make him. I also agree that it sounds like you could use some attendance and a rehab facility. They help friends and relatives of addicts as well. The family needs to go as well because they are just enabling his problem.

Just remember, if this person ends his life, it is not your fault.

[stevenaa]

"and when he od's on cocaine or something even worse? how do you think id feel knowing I could have done something?"

You can't do a thing about it. This is his problem not yours. I've had friends get into drugs. I just find more friends. Life is challenging in it's own right without trying to solve someone elses problem. He's made the choices that have brought him to this point, enabled it seems in some part by the choices of his parents.

"That changes everything."

Does it really? I don't think so. In a moment of lucid thought he cried out for help. His parents screwed the pooch by not immediately putting him in rehab. They may well have lost the battle due to their inaction. It's hard to say for sure with the limited knowledge of the situation. The windows of opportunity with an addict are far and few between, and only decrease as time and use go by.

You're a young man Henry, with your whole life ahead of you. Your time would be better spent doing for yourself, than fighting someone else's lossing battle.

[MonkeySkin]

Make fun of him

That's what I did to a friend of mine, who was coked out of his mind and paranoid about school buses following him everywhere.

He said it was a conspiracy. He was like, "think about it, buses....like busted...like you're busted."

:confused:

He's been clean since.

[jbooma]

Football when you said he asked his mom for help what exactly did she do?

[E-Dog Night]

I'd have to generally agree with what a few have said already, which is that, unless you're friend wants to get help, there's not much you can do. Unfortunately, the vast majority of people in that situation have to hit rock bottom before they do anything about it. And rock bottom means different things for different people.

For some, it's losing their family, their job, their house, their cars...for others it's getting thrown in jail...and there are those who OD but don't die. Some people feel sick, and when they go to see the doctor (hoping he can prescribe some pill to make everything go away), they discover that they have a serious, even life threatening illness, which is directly related to their addiction.

Sadly, not even all of the above scenarios are enough for some people to seek help. Others get clean just before stuff like that happens. What separates the person who seeks help, from the person who never does, is anybody's guess.

Still, there is a seed that can be planted.

You can try an intervention, but I can't stress enough that you get a specialist to organize it. There are such people, and the chances of success, while not great, is almost nil without professional help. If you just get a bunch of friends and family together without a close to perfect plan, this may cause him to rebel even more. But with a professional, they have been through this a thousand times, and they know what works and what doesn't. If you're friend doesn't get clean right away, then maybe he thinks about his drug use in a way that he never has before, and eventually comes in on his own before all is lost. It’s hard for most addicts after an intervention to keep BS-ing themselves that there’s no problem or that they can handle the problem on their own.

But try to remember that it is out of your hands in the end. You can't control another person. But you can make an effort to help him and hope for the best. Just don't get emotionally tied up in the results.

[grimreaper36]

Henry, I speak from experience as the user. You can not make him want to quit and he will not want to quit until it threatens to take away his life/freedom. Be there with support (not financial) and advice if he asks, but don't get sucked into the manipulation that might occur when he says he's ready to quit. Users will use others to get them out of the hole they create, only to go back to using once they are out of trouble. Be a friend and offer other ways to pass the time but don't enable the addiction.

[Sarge]

I'll throw in with most of what others have said.

I'll give you the same advice I give wayward airmen.

Dude, you're twenty and at a critical juncture of your life. I saw where you posted earlier about going in the military. You have a choice about where you're life is going, and it's very clear. On one path is something like the military, with the structure and culture associated with it. On the other path you have the path this guy has chosen, which is a dead end.

Which one do you want?

It's admirable to want to help a friend, but only to a certain point.

If you must help, don't lend him money or help him cover up.

Basically, some people just don't want help, period. Don't ruin you life over your friends bad choices. Drug users are losers. You hang out with losers, chances are you'll end up a loser as well

[footballhenry]

Originally posted by Sarge

Basically, some people just don't want help, period. Don't ruin you life over your friends bad choices. Drug users are losers. You hang out with losers, chances are you'll end up a loser as well

well thanks for the advice but I actually dont hang out with drug users mostly. as i said earlier, i am friends with this guy but not as close as i otherwise might be due to the fact that we live in different states. still, that doesnt change the fact that i wish i could help him. also Sarge perhaps you should practice a bit humility. not all drug users or losers, though I am sure most can be classified as that. both of my brothers were sucked into the drug scene, and its not so black and white as some make it out to be (as far as the people that do it). its just interesting to me that ive gotten alot of really good advice by a bunch of really nice guys here, but you see fit to add an insult, unwarranted.