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Help needed- bat mitzvah etiquette.


Kilmer17

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My family is heading to one for our closest friends daughter.

What's the proper attire for adults and kids

What's the appropriate gift. If cash, how much

Anything else this whiskeypalian needs to know?

 

Dress like you were a guest at a wedding/wedding reception.  Shirt & jacket, etc.  Cash is an appropriate gift unless you know the person very well and have a specific gift in mind.  Get a card and put in cash in multiples of $18 as you feel appropriate ($18, 36, 54, 72, etc.).  Have fun.

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Hey Kilmer,

Went to a Bat-Mitzvah a couple of years ago for a girl on my soccer team.

 

I would say to treat it like a Christian confirmation.  If not familiar with that, I would say that you should wear at least a shirt and tie (jacket too, based on location/weather).  Women wear nice, conservative dresses.  Kids, depending on age, dress pants and nice shirt.

 

Gift is commensurate with how well you know the girl/family (and certainly your family circumstances).  I would suggest in the $50 - $100 level, and yes, check/cash is perfectly fine - most folks will do the same.

 

As for the service, it will be almost exclusively in Hebrew, so go there to enjoy the ceremony.  It will probably last about 1 to 1.5 hours.

 

Enjoy.

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If the ceremony is on Saturday morning, some other things that might/will apply, depending on how conservative the congregation:

 

- Men (even who aren't Jewish) will be asked to wear a beanie (a "Yamikah" or "Kippah") while in the synagogue.  There are always extras in a box near the front door, and likely will be some commemorative ones there with your friend's daughter's name printed on the inside.

 

- You'll see men (and some women) wearing white prayer shawls.  Don't worry about putting one on, they're not expected if you're not Jewish.

 

- People are expected not to even turn on a cell phone in the synagogue not to mention use it.  (Not just a courtesy thing, it's a religious thing too)

 

- Getting drunk and making love to the cake is indeed frowned upon during the Rabbi's blessing.  During the reception, however, all bets are off.

 

 

Enjoy!

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It's important to have all the facts.

 

You also forgot to ask Kilmer what he looks like.

 

If he normally looks like this, he may want to shave and wear something different.

 

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One thing to remember is that whenever the rabbi pauses, Christians in attendance are supposed to say "in the name of Jesus Christ, amen" loud enough so the people around them know that you're giving the blessing of your Lord and Savior as well.

 

This is only partly true as if many Christians are present it can be a serious social faux pas.

 

If there are multiple Christians, some of the Christians should instead proclaim loudly "Allahu Akbar".

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Advice given above seems good to me.  The one thing I would add if it's this Saturday is that the Bat Mitzvah will coincide with Yom Kippur which is the end of the Jewish New Year and one of the holiest days. Generally, it is a day of contemplation, fasting, and atonement.  So, the mood of this Bat Mitzvah may be because of its date be a bit more serious than celebratory.

 

Generally, you dress nicely, I think wedding attire is appropriate.  Money is a fine gift, but something other is fine if you know it will be liked appreciated.  You'll have to listen to a mix of English and Hebrew and occasionally the congregation is asked to repeat a few lines.  It'll be easy and you can get it.  If reform they sometimes hand out transliterations so you can fake the Hebrew.

 

The ceremony is about the entry into adulthood and the responsibilities and duties that a Jew has to his family and community and sometimes likewise the responsibility that we all have to each other.  It can be beautiful.  It can be boring. 

 

Hope this helps, but you have the answers you need already.  The number thing you've been hearing about is keyed to a wish for a good fortune and life basically. 

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