Jump to content
Washington Football Team Logo
Extremeskins

Washington Post: After six Woodson High suicides, a search for solace and answers


TD_washingtonredskins

Recommended Posts

What a heart-breaking article:

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/crime/after-woodson-high-suicides-a-search-for-solace-and-answers/2014/04/11/a394dc64-b069-11e3-a49e-76adc9210f19_story.html

 

As a parent of two young children (5 and 6 years old), this is certainly an eye-opener to how different the world is for children now rather than in the 1980s/90s. This really makes me want to be sure that I am sending the right message to my kids. Do your best, be yourself, and be happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes the world is different now, but each generation of people go through different types of stress. My grandparents lived in the depression when they were teens and it may have stressed them to see their parents worry about the next meal. My parents grew up in the times of the atomic bomb when they would have drills to get under their desks (which was futile if you think about it) and in the times of race riots.

I grew up in the generation that was on the edge of the current technology you see today. That in and of itself is a lot of stress. I've just now in my 40s realized I had a lot of unresolved issues from me growing up and I'm going to counseling. I'm not afraid to tell you guys that last September, I was ready to....check out....of life. I'm getting help now and feel a lot better.

My point is, every generation feels stress and it's important that we try to get help for those in need. Same stress as the 80s, different stressors.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Glad you decided to get help, the hardest part is admitting there are any issues in the first place. This is awful news, as said above, being a parent I never want to think about this with my daughter. She's still young, but I spend as much time with her as I can and I hope she knows that nothing is so bad that it should come to that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Glad you decided to get help, the hardest part is admitting there are any issues in the first place. This is awful news, as said above, being a parent I never want to think about this with my daughter. She's still young, but I spend as much time with her as I can and I hope she knows that nothing is so bad that it should come to that.

 

Oh man was it ever the hardest thing I had to do.  Never been to counseling.  Let's put it this way, I had made plans to help my wife after I was gone.  I would like for some in here to imagine my posting last summer compared to how I post now.  I think it's like night and day in regards to my outlook. It was part of the reason that I blew off the last half of the Redskins season.  I had given up on life and I gave up on the Redskins after the Vikings loss. I still have a long way to go, but I can see the changes and so do my family and friends.  The signs are hard for people to detect.  I was a functional, working, depressed bag of crap for the last couple of years. No one knew. My wife caught on luckily and I was able to will myself to seek help. Reading about these kids reminds me of the Asian guy (Yo-Yo) in the movie "The Internship" where he kept punishing himself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh man was it ever the hardest thing I had to do. Never been to counseling. Let's put it this way, I had made plans to help my wife after I was gone. I would like for some in here to imagine my posting last summer compared to how I post now. I think it's like night and day in regards to my outlook. It was part of the reason that I blew off the last half of the Redskins season. I had given up on life and I gave up on the Redskins after the Vikings loss. I still have a long way to go, but I can see the changes and so do my family and friends. The signs are hard for people to detect. I was a functional, working, depressed bag of crap for the last couple of years. No one knew. My wife caught on luckily and I was able to will myself to seek help. Reading about these kids reminds me of the Asian guy (Yo-Yo) in the movie "The Internship" where he kept punishing himself.

I haven't been on as much until recently, but either way, great to hear and I hope it continues to get better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Doesn't it say in the article though that we're still below the teen suicide rate of the 80's?

 

I believe so, but that doesn't mean that academic pressures aren't tougher now than when I was a kid.

 

I did less than an hour of homework each night with very few exceptions. I finished high school with a 3.7 and was accepted to Mary Washington, James Madison, and Virginia Tech. I wasn't accepted to UVA. Now, it seems like kids are doing hours and hours of homework and need over a 4.0 to get into most colleges. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My wife shared this article with me and it was not a pleasant conversation for her to have (a lot of tears and anger).

 

It was after she began attending Woodson in the late '80s that her grades dropped, she started skipping classes, cutting, and two suicide attempts. The main reason was not related to Woodson but no one at the school even commented on the massive changes in her behavior over the course of one school year beyond telling her she needed to work harder. And she knew others at Woodson that were going the through the same and received no real help even when it was obvious.

 

I understand that teachers and school admins have hundreds, or even a thousand +, of students that they have to watch over and they cannot be there for everyone. However, it seems to me that this has been an ongoing issue with Woodson for a long while and that there is a problem within the school's culture that needs to be addressed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand. What was the driving force behind the teen suicides in the 80's? Was there ever a consensus on it?

I'm not sure. Maybe the numbers show us that a small number of teens are going to find something to stress about? We think we can remove things from their lives to help, but perhaps that's a fools errand.

It just seems that the stress being experienced by teens is unnecessary. As mature adults we don't generally work for 12 hours per day fearing that we might fall behind. I realize that not all high school students feel that pressure, but the ones who do aren't probably emotionally mature enough to handle it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wish more kids would accept trade school as an option instead of busting their asses to take as many AP classes as they can.  Unfortunately, you kind of have to go to college these days.  And with fewer jobs available, you have to stand out.  It sucks.

I think we probably need to stop preaching that college is the only path for high school students. Kids shouldn't feel like failures if they take a different avenue toward their future. College isn't for everyone. At the same time, those who are cut out for it shouldn't feel like they have to attend the very best. Successful people can thrive almost anywhere.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure. Maybe the numbers show us that a small number of teens are going to find something to stress about? We think we can remove things from their lives to help, but perhaps that's a fools errand.

It just seems that the stress being experienced by teens is unnecessary. As mature adults we don't generally work for 12 hours per day fearing that we might fall behind. I realize that not all high school students feel that pressure, but the ones who do aren't probably emotionally mature enough to handle it.

Let me see if I understand this.. Are you saying that teens stress themselves out?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know that sounds pretty obvious, but this story really saddens me and I'd like to think that there's something we could do for these young people.

I think that the stress put on them by parents and teachers greatly exceeds any they put on themselves.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that the stress put on them by parents and teachers greatly exceeds any they put on themselves.

You could be right. I think that's a large component as well.

The challenge for parents seems to be to motivate and push your kids to achieve their potential while making sure that they understand they are loved no matter what. They need to know that there is more to a happy life than academics, college, etc. As a parent, that's a tough tightrope to walk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You could be right. I think that's a large component as well.

The challenge for parents seems to be to motivate and push your kids to achieve their potential while making sure that they understand they are loved no matter what. They need to know that there is more to a happy life than academics, college, etc. As a parent, that's a tough tightrope to walk.

Yeah, and most parents completely fail in that aspect. Far to many parents tell their kids that if they don't have a good GPA or take advanced classes they won't go to college and therefor have a less than desirable life. Pair that with the expectation that you play sports, volunteer, do extracurricular activities and to have an active social life and what do you get? Kids that feel so overwhelmed that they feel like taking their own life is the best solution.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm glad to hear you got help, pj.

 

 

 

I haven't been on as much until recently, but either way, great to hear and I hope it continues to get better.

 

Pj glad things are looking up for you I don't know you outside if ES but I can tell you this is a better place when you are posting

 

Thanks guys.  Long story short, I had alot of issues that I had never dealt with.  Nothing like past physical/sexual abuse or anything like that.  I was in the middle of a mid-life crisis, except I didn't buy a sportscar or have a girlfriend on the side.  I just had a lot of things that I'd held inside for many, many years and I had a hard time dealing with things in my life for which I had no answers for, for the first time in my life.  I've always been able to "figure things out" when I've had problems, but for the first time in my life, I couldn't figure them out.  I was out of answers.  Been going to counseling since last October.  I still have a ways to go to continue to deal with things.

 

I used this analogy with my counselor. I said this after about 2 months in- There is an old saying, "I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel."  For me, after those 2 months, I still couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but for the first time in a long time, "the train was finally moving and heading out of the station,"  and eventually I'll see the light at the end of the tunnel when the time is right.

 

Thanks for all your support.  If anyone is going what I went through and needs an ear, PM me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This hits close to home. I had a niece attending Woodson a few years ago, she is graduating high school this year. But at the same point, sophomore year, her friends told her mom that she had casually mentioned suicide because of school pressures. 

 

No one really knows how serious the comment was or just one of those over dramatic things teenage girls say, but her friends were right to tell her mom. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My wife shared this article with me and it was not a pleasant conversation for her to have (a lot of tears and anger).

 

It was after she began attending Woodson in the late '80s that her grades dropped, she started skipping classes, cutting, and two suicide attempts. The main reason was not related to Woodson but no one at the school even commented on the massive changes in her behavior over the course of one school year beyond telling her she needed to work harder. And she knew others at Woodson that were going the through the same and received no real help even when it was obvious.

 

I understand that teachers and school admins have hundreds, or even a thousand +, of students that they have to watch over and they cannot be there for everyone. However, it seems to me that this has been an ongoing issue with Woodson for a long while and that there is a problem within the school's culture that needs to be addressed.

You might be on to something, but at the same time, might it be an indicator of parents needing to take more active roles in general with their kids?

 

When I read this "Frustrated parents have asked the Woodson leadership and school system administrators for answers..." I immediately thought that was the wrong course and indicative of our cultural tendency to let others worry about raising our kids while we work away for our own stuff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You might be on to something, but at the same time, might it be an indicator of parents needing to take more active roles in general with their kids?

 

When I read this "Frustrated parents have asked the Woodson leadership and school system administrators for answers..." I immediately thought that was the wrong course and indicative of our cultural tendency to let others worry about raising our kids while we work away for our own stuff.

I thought the same thing about the quote you did. But kids who are high achievers aren't so without a lot of parental involvement. Generally speaking anyway...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You might be on to something, but at the same time, might it be an indicator of parents needing to take more active roles in general with their kids?

 

When I read this "Frustrated parents have asked the Woodson leadership and school system administrators for answers..." I immediately thought that was the wrong course and indicative of our cultural tendency to let others worry about raising our kids while we work away for our own stuff.

 

Possibly, but it could also be the opposite. For example, a parent who shouts at the coaches over their kid's playing time, the refs because of a penalty every game, or the kids for making a mistake can be just as bad as a parent who never goes to a game.  

 

The school is a symptom of the problem, not the problem itself. They are under just as much pressure from the parents for Junior to get a 4.0+, play sports, volunteer, etc. as Junior is. Where the issue with the school lies is how they have been addressing the issue previously, and the fact that it took 6 suicides in a short span to wake people up to a problem that has been going on in Woodson for a while now.

 

To me, the part you quoted is indicative of the underlying problem in the community that the school serves. The push for students, by their parents, to essentially  over-achieve so that they can get into top schools and thus be "successful" is very high, higher than in many other areas. Living there I saw a sense of, I guess I would call it superiority though that is not exactly right, in many of those I worked with and lived around. And part of that was that kids today are "coddled", that "kids today whine too much and when I was a kid we did what we had to do" attitude which is not conducive to kids talking to their parents about stress and other issues. And instead of looking in the mirror and considering they may be part of the problem, they look at the school and point fingers when they should be asking how they can help their children remain centered and emotionally healthy.

 

Edit:

 

To be fair though, the finger pointing by parents is not limited to just the city of Fairfax, it is nation-wide. I worked as a teacher in a school district that was the exact opposite of Fairfax, where parents saw school as a waste of time since Junior was just going to end up working at the mill like his dad and grandfather did. However, it was not stress and suicide that parents were yelling about, but violence, gangs, teen pregnancy, and drug abuse that they expected the schools to solve. Not a word said about the fact that those yelling the most were the ones who belonged to a gang, drank, and had the son/daughter at age 14. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...