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THEONION: Mike Shanahan Trails Off During Speech About Turning Franchise Around


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40 replies to this topic

#1 Son of Gadsden

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 04:59 PM

http://www.onionspor...ut-turni,18649/

Posted Image

WASHINGTON—Head coach Mike Shanahan attempted but failed to address his players regarding the Redskins' future Monday, repeatedly trailing off during what he evidently had planned as an encouraging talk about the future of the franchise. "As shaky as we've looked this season, we've got a lot to, you know… We just have to, eh, ahem," said Shanahan, who started and stopped his speech several times and at one point actually stood up as if to leave before seeming to notice his players arranged around him listening. "What I'm trying to say is, we're just a few games from turning. From turning this thing over, I mean. No, around. Turning it back? Well, anyway, I'm gonna go." Shanahan then told his players that his door was always open before retiring to his office and shutting the door.Posted Image



After the Locklear situation, this just got 10 times more hilarious. :ols:

Edited by Son of Gadsden, 06 January 2012 - 05:10 PM.


#2 flexxskins

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 05:14 PM

After the Locklear situation, this just got 10 times more hilarious. :ols:

Then I guess that I just don't have a sense of humor.:confused:

#3 SkinsFanInTennessee

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 05:17 PM

Sorry I'm not a big fan of "The Onion". I prefer to read real news, not "funny" news.

#4 redskns21

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 05:30 PM

That was stupid!

#5 ddub52

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 05:32 PM

Was that intended to be humorous?

#6 styx491

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 05:40 PM

there should probably be a "The Onion: article title" in the title of the thread because this is a parody and not actual journalism.

#7 SkinsGuy

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 05:41 PM

I'd fix the title or you might get NNT'ed

#8 mikeDinNYC

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 05:48 PM

OP, definitely change your title...it's funny how a lot of people don't realize the onion is 100% satire the first time they read it.

#9 Dirt

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 05:48 PM

what the hell, 3 posts that aren't amused and 2 telling the op to change his title

this is funny as hell, come on, it's the onion, people. You'd laugh if it was about any other team, lighten up :/

#10 SkinsGuy

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 05:50 PM

what the hell, 3 posts that aren't amused and 2 telling the op to change his title

this is funny as hell, come on, it's the onion, people. You'd laugh if it was about any other team, lighten up :/


It has nothing to do with how humorous the article was (it was ok, not one of the Onion's better efforts).

I was giving him a friendly warning, which he didn't heed.

Too late now. He got NNT'ed.

#11 TheShredSkinz

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 05:51 PM

I was worried till I saw the Onion.

#12 SkinsGuy

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 05:54 PM

Double Post Edit.

#13 ddyork

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 06:03 PM

Pretty funny! lol Thanks for a good laugh.

#14 thesubmittedone

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 06:13 PM

I usually like The Onion's satire, but this wasn't that funny. Probably started off as funny in their head, but then trailed off into something unfunny. Get it?

Ok, I'll stop.

#15 skinsfanindallas88

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 06:21 PM

Jeez...tough crowd here

#16 Redskins Diehard

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 07:02 PM

These threads are MUCH better when the Onion isn't indicated in the thread title. Hopefully he didn't get NNT'd for that.

This isn't great Onion work though. Maybe should have written an article about Grossman giving an end of season speech but turning it over to other people during important points.

#17 RFKFedEx

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 07:04 PM

I don't really get the humor either. I've enjoyed Onion articles before, but I guess this one is over my head. Not sure why a national audience would take to this given the Redskins relative obscurity as we head into the off season..

#18 kubstix

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 07:06 PM

These threads are MUCH better when the Onion isn't indicated in the thread title. Hopefully he didn't get NNT'd for that.

This isn't great Onion work though. Maybe should have written an article about Grossman giving an end of season speech but turning it over to other people during important points.


Would be ridiculous if he got NNT'd. I love waiting for the 5 minute paragraph of why Shanny needs to be fired immediately after an embarrassing speech like that.

#19 Son of Gadsden

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 08:13 PM

Yeah, I thought i put (onion) at the end of the title, but i might have forgotten. I thought it would be funnier if people didn't initially read that it was a joke. Plus this is maybe my 3rd NT, and my first article. I knew the rules, so i posted the link and credited the author, but i guess i got the format wrong. Hoping I didn't get NNT'd, but if I did, okay. I can understand that all the bad posts I see can ruin it for everyone as far as mod tolerance. If not, i'll make sure i get the title right next time. so i support it either way.

Anyway, I thought it was funny, but with Onion, you either get it or you don't. I think being able to laugh at yourself (especially in these times of folly for our team) is important.

The humor i found in it was thinking about Shanny's state of mind after seeing some of these blocked field goals and such. Just some of the stupid **** that happened this season, you've got to think that he's just thinking "Yeah, in a few games...eh...uh...I'm just going to go to my office. What did i get myself into..." (for the record I think Shanahan is our guy until he decides to retire, and I love the direction the team is going) Wasn't meant to be the funniest joke in the world, but seeing as the regular season is over and we aren't in the playoffs, and I'm tired of reading the same old repetitive "Shanahan isn't the guy" or "Rex sucks!" or "We need a QB!" i tried to post something different. Not like there is anything better to talk about.

Edited by Son of Gadsden, 06 January 2012 - 08:16 PM.


#20 tibbidoe

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 08:28 PM

Pretty funny. :)

The Onion always does hard-hitting news...

#21 Son of Gadsden

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 08:36 PM

Pretty funny. :)

The Onion always does hard-hitting news...


If the onion doesn't have at least one article that makes you laugh, you have no soul. I liked the new one, can't remember where I saw it about Jacksonville burning down their stadium to collect the insurance ACV. xD

Edited by Son of Gadsden, 06 January 2012 - 08:36 PM.


#22 tibbidoe

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 09:28 PM

If the onion doesn't have at least one article that makes you laugh, you have no soul. I liked the new one, can't remember where I saw it about Jacksonville burning down their stadium to collect the insurance ACV. xD


http://www.onionspor...y-to-hold,2262/

This has always been my favorite for some reason... haha

#23 #98QBKiller

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 09:33 PM

Shanahan then told his players that his door was always open before retiring to his office and shutting the door.Posted Image


Ok, this was pretty funny.

#24 Painkiller

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 09:40 PM

He might have trailed off, but at least he didn't have members of the armed forces give a rah rah speech.

That would have been worse.

#25 BKSkinsFan

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 10:30 PM

Ive come to realize that this franchise has become a joke, and I can find the humor in our misery. Obviously not everyone can take a lighthearted joke without feeling like someone insulted one of their family members.

#26 Silencer6091

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 10:35 PM

I love the Onion...but this was weak.

---------- Post added January-6th-2012 at 10:33 PM ----------

Thanks for sharing tho...

#27 Slateman

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 10:39 PM

Lol, that was priceless. Wish it had been longer but it was pretty funny

I think Bang needs to take this to the next level

#28 MarkRascadizzle

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 11:06 PM

If you watch the Onions sports videos, they have a ticker at the bottom that usually has some good stuff.

"Rex Grossman bites tongue off in an attempt to brag"
"John Beck confident he can save the Redfins"
"Redskins assure everyone they're still terrible" (that was after the 6th or so game)

Edited by MarkRascadizzle, 06 January 2012 - 11:11 PM.


#29 rblgenius

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 12:37 AM

Jeez...tough crowd here


hahahaha i found this hilarious. i guess only the young people like the onion

#30 joeknows

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 01:23 AM

These threads are MUCH better when the Onion isn't indicated in the thread title. Hopefully he didn't get NNT'd for that.

This isn't great Onion work though. Maybe should have written an article about Grossman giving an end of season speech but turning it over to other people during important points.


now see.....THATS FUNNY RIGHT THERE....

i too knew when i saw the link, i was in for some seriously dry humor/ satire journalism. this one didnt even make me grin.......

---------- Post added January-7th-2012 at 12:26 AM ----------

Would be ridiculous if he got NNT'd. I love waiting for the 5 minute paragraph of why Shanny needs to be fired immediately after an embarrassing speech like that.


yeah i was thinking that too. the best part of these threads are the people not familiar with theonion and their reactions to the article.

#31 Jumbo

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 01:44 AM

A PSA. :)

Would be ridiculous if he got NNT'd.



No it wouldn't have been, by rule, had any mod so decided, amigo. And your opinion on such doesn't really matter--a.) because it's none of your business since it isn't about you and b.) since you have far less idea of how the rules are correctly applied than any mod here).

Furthermore, such "opinionating" on board management (by you and others) doesn't belong in any topical thread unless a moderator invites it, including even if he had been NNT'd. Read all of rule 18. It may keep you (anyone) from getting a temp ban someday. :)

Per topic, it was fairly lame by Onion's usual high level of parody, but no one bats 1000. :)

BTW, I didn't edit the title, but if you read the rules on titles.... ;)

P.S. Always amazes me when a member with numerous user notes of rule violations (including lengthy bans) involving numerous mods actually calls attention to themselves in a manner like this---the lemming instinct is truly powerful in some. Weird how such people don't get that there membership has already been extended, ONLY at our discretion and mercy, and that at any time for any reason we may simply pull the plug or to use the more current terminology, apply B2A. If such folk really like it here as much as they appear to, they should maybe just stifle in eternal gratitude about these things and try not to break any more rules. :)

Edited by Jumbo, 07 January 2012 - 01:59 AM.


#32 joeknows

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 01:49 AM

He might have trailed off, but at least he didn't have members of the armed forces give a rah rah speech.

That would have been worse.


you know what.... now that i think of it. first off he should have had those SEAL's talkin to them BEFORE the season. BUT

admittedly i am not a "muscle man" ... i hate gyms and their smell etc. but when i was in bootcamp back in 90 for the Navy, when you got into trouble they sent you to IT <intensive training>.

yeah so, the last week of BC the CC's sent the whole company to IT just because they thought it would be funny to see, those of us that kept our nose clean and did what we were told, go in there and suck wind. fortunately i was a swimmer back then and was in great shape. turns out that workout we did that morning for 1.5 hrs was the SEAL WARMUP. i mean guys were pukin and passing out... and i mean like 30 percent or so were seriously messed up lol.

my point is this... if these guys were as pumped as was reported, from the SEAL team visit. then have the RETIRED SEALS or similar units lead workouts in the OTA's etc....

i promise....... guys like that have a way of instilling discipline in people.....

a team of youth, athletic ability, and some talent..... with a SEAL team mindset...... they would dominate the league ... forever.

work that we did with the SEAL's are some of the proudest moments of my life. those are some seriously bad ass dudes....

#33 tibbidoe

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 02:14 AM

...my point is this... if these guys were as pumped as was reported, from the SEAL team visit. then have the RETIRED SEALS or similar units lead workouts in the OTA's etc....

i promise....... guys like that have a way of instilling discipline in people.....

a team of youth, athletic ability, and some talent..... with a SEAL team mindset...... they would dominate the league ... forever.

work that we did with the SEAL's are some of the proudest moments of my life. those are some seriously bad ass dudes....


That's an interesting idea. But I wonder how hard it would be to have a "boot camp" type of training camp, or if there might be rules against it.

Seems like someone years ago would have thought, "Hey, our military guys could really show these athletes how to get in ridiculously good shape."

#34 joeknows

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 02:28 AM

That's an interesting idea. But I wonder how hard it would be to have a "boot camp" type of training camp, or if there might be rules against it.

Seems like someone years ago would have thought, "Hey, our military guys could really show these athletes how to get in ridiculously good shape."


but even better is they would show them how to be mentally tough as well... you know self disciplined... thorough understanding of honor and integrity....

#35 Jumbo

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 02:39 AM

but even better is they would show them how to be mentally tough as well... you know self disciplined... thorough understanding of honor and integrity....



Absolutely...and what better group to exhibit the value of a true team concept at the highest level...I have also had the privilege to be around some of these people in WA state some years ago...one of things I was most struck by was how unassuming and accessible and, well, "normal" they looked and acted, compared to where reasonable projections could easily take you...I have no doubt that under more serious circumstances, of course, they'd make an entirely different presentation. :)

#36 Enter Apotheosis

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 03:20 AM

That's an interesting idea. But I wonder how hard it would be to have a "boot camp" type of training camp, or if there might be rules against it.

Seems like someone years ago would have thought, "Hey, our military guys could really show these athletes how to get in ridiculously good shape."


There are different ways you can be in "ridiculously good shape" and, based on my admittedly superficial knowledge of both special forces and NFL training, I wouldn't think that the two would be terribly compatible. Football is all about bursts of effort with a good deal of recovery time in between whereas military training (esp. as it pertains to special forces) tends to be more endurance-oriented by an order of several magnitudes. A little cross-training can be helpful but it can also have a deleterious effect if it takes the place of sport specific training or leads to over-training.

In other words, I'd rather the Skins' dedicated training staff and coaches handle the bulk of the training. Nonetheless, I'm all for bringing in SEALs for motivational/disciplinary/teamwork purposes.

Edited by Enter Apotheosis, 07 January 2012 - 03:25 AM.


#37 joeknows

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 03:47 AM

There are different ways you can be in "ridiculously good shape" and, based on my admittedly superficial knowledge of both special forces and NFL training, I wouldn't think that the two would be terribly compatible. Football is all about bursts of effort with a good deal of recovery time in between whereas military training (esp. as it pertains to special forces) tends to be more endurance-oriented by an order of several magnitudes. A little cross-training can be helpful but it can also have a deleterious effect if it takes the place of sport specific training or leads to over-training.

In other words, I'd rather the Skins' dedicated training staff and coaches handle the bulk of the training. Nonetheless, I'm all for bringing in SEALs for motivational/disciplinary/teamwork purposes.


as far as certain specialties in both fields there are different requirements. however something like bringing them in and doing their warm up trainer .... which should definitely be the least level of fitness needed..... would be good for offseason workouts and otas etc.

but much like yourself i am certainly no expert in either.

i have felt in years past that many of the injuries we have had especially the hammy injuries... that there is an issue of basic stretching and fitness despite their strength..... maybe conditioning staff needs improvement or maybeit was just the fact the team was older i dunno.....

but most importantly isnt the physical advantages as maybe it is the mental toughness these types of individuals possess.

i dunno if you have but if you have seen these guys in action you notice something immediately that just makes them different. they have a level of discipline and drive and pride and team ethic and loyalty to peers etc.... being around guys like that would be good for a football team of young men .... the discipline alone would make a huge difference....

#38 skinsmarydu

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 05:50 AM

^^^Did Navy boot camp in '84 and 2 rounds of IT. Guys were screamin' for their mommas, seriously. And it WASN'T the Seal Workout!! Military teaches you all of life's secrets. Thanks for your service and hail.

#39 Dan T.

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 10:42 AM

Onion nails it again, especially since it predates the real exit meeting kerfluffle by 2 weeks.

#40 Son of Gadsden

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 10:53 AM

One of things I was most struck by was how unassuming and accessible and, well, "normal" they looked and acted, compared to where reasonable projections could easily take you...I have no doubt that under more serious circumstances, of course, they'd make an entirely different presentation. :)


I remember having my 18th birthday in Charleston with my brother and some of his Air Force friends hitting up a few clubs then ending up back on base. Everybody passed out but me and this dude i didn't really know. We could barely walk so we kind've just hung out by the truck and just bull****ted for a few hours. I asked him what he "did" for the force (figuring he was probably just you know, normal infantry, since my brother is a staff sergeant armor MP). He replied with "I'm in a unit for special operations, "black ops" if you will. We specialize in hostage situations. When not on assignment, my team and I are personal protection for General McChrystal. I actually have to get on a transport to Afganistan in about 4 hours." I think my jaw hit the ground. I just had in my head that these guys are mindless elite killing machines like the movies make you think. Don't get me wrong, my ENTIRE family is from military background, 10 aunts and uncles all in forces, including 2 in the pentagon. It doesn't change the fact that these elite forces have built up this larger than life image. Of course, in my situation it's not the greatest example of responsibility, falling down drunk. However, the guy has medals he can't even tell anyone he has because they are classified. Shows how easily and quickly these guys can turn the on/off switch from combat and discipline to civilian.