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Dallas Cowboy Jokes!


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#1 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 14 September 2005 - 06:10 AM

A Dallas Cowboy fan, a Washinton Redskin fan and Julia Roberts were all sitting together on the subway when the lights went out, and the car went completely dark. In the darkness there was a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap! When the subway car’s lights came back on, Julia and the Redskin fan were sitting as if nothing happened, while the Cowboy fan was holding his slapped face! The Cowboy fan was thinking, "That Redskin fan must have kissed Julia, and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead!" Meanwhile, Julia was thinking, "That Cowboy fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Redskin fan, and got slapped for it!" And the Redskin fan was thinking, "This is great! The next time the subway car’s lights go out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap the crap out of that Cowboy fan again!"

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#2 DialSux

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Posted 14 September 2005 - 06:58 AM

ahhh...it's about that time of the season. one of my favorites below:

A woman in Dallas calls 911. When the officer answers the phone the woman is hysterical and tells the cop that a man has just broken into her home and she thinks he intends to rape her. The officer explain that they are just extremely busy at the moment and tells her "Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you."

#3 Mr. Nostril

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Posted 14 September 2005 - 08:51 AM

I'd improve that joke by saying "The officer explains that they'll be right there, and tell her "make sure you get the guys jersey number."

because the thought of 911 telling the girl "we're very busy right now," really leaves me feeling uncomfortable.

#4 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 14 September 2005 - 11:02 AM

There is a Redskins fan, a Giants fan, and a Cowboys fan that got caught drunk in Saudi Arabia, where it is highly illegal to consume alcohol. They are all sentenced to be whipped 200 times. Luckily the whipper was a football fan and seeing as they were too, he gave each of them one wish. The Giants fan was first, he asked if he could have a pillow tied to his back to make it hurt less. But the whip broke through the pillow after like 20 whips and the Giants fan was in extreme pain. The Cowboys fan saw what had happened, so he asked to have 2 pillows tied to his back, but the whip again broke through. Last was the Redskins fan. The whipper said "You are a redskins fan, the greatest team in the world, you are allowed 2 wishes!" So the Redskins fan thought for a minute. "For my first wish, i want to be whipped 1,000 times!" The whipper was confused. "For my second wish, tie the Cowboys fan to my back!!!"

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#5 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 15 September 2005 - 09:38 AM

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Dallas Cowboy fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Cowboy fans. Everyone in the class raises their hands except one little girl. The teacher looks at the little girl with surprise and says, "Jenny, why didn't you raise your hand?" Jenny replied, "Because I'm not a Cowboy fan!" The still shocked teacher asked, "Well, if you aren't a Cowboy fan, then who are you a fan of?" Jenny answered, "I'm a Redskin fan and proud of it!" The teacher couldn't believe her ears. "Jenny, why in the world are you a Redskin fan?!" Jenny replied, "Because my mom is a Redskin fan, my dad is a Redskin fan, so I'm a Redskin fan, too!" The teacher answered in a slightly annoyed tone, "That is no reason for you to be a Redskin fan! You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was a moron and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?!" Jenny smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Dallas Cowboy fan!"

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#6 wesleyc288

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Posted 15 September 2005 - 09:45 AM

:laugh: There is Always one joke that kills me every time i hear it.....it is so funny! just scroll down to see it.

Its just one single word!! does anyone know what that word is??????

















































































THEISMAN!!!!:laugh:

#7 75004

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Posted 15 September 2005 - 09:46 AM

Good jokes kingleo.

#8 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 15 September 2005 - 09:50 AM

Two guys from Dallas die and wake up in hell. The devil stops by to check on them and sees them dressed in coats, gloves and earmuffs, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asked them, "What are you two doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?!" The guys reply, "Well, you do realize that we're from Dallas, Texas. After our summers there, this is like a cold wave!" The devil decides that these two guys aren't miserable enough, so he cranks up the heat! The next day, the devil stops by again and there are the two guys again dressed in their coats, gloves and earmuffs. The devil asked them, "It's awfully hot down here! Can't you guys feel that?!" Again the guys answered, "Well, like we told you yesterday, we are from Dallas, Texas. We have suffered through the dog days of a Texas summer. This is like winter down here!" The devil gets really steamed and he decides to crank up the heat as high as it will go. People are wailing and screaming all over hell. However, when he stops by to check on the two men, he finds them in light jackets, grilling steaks and drinking beer! The devil couldn't believe his eyes. "Everyone down here is in absolute misery! You two seem to be enjoying yourselves!" The two men reply, "Well, as you know, we are from Dallas, Texas. This weather is like a fall morning during football season! So we thought we would have a little tailgate party!" The devil is so mad that he can't see straight! He decides that if the heat doesn't bother these two guys, he will go in the opposite direction. He decides to shut all the heat off in hell! The next day, the temperature is below zero. Icicles are hanging everywhere. People are shivering so bad, they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth! The devil smiled as he went to check on the two Texans. He finds them back in their coats, gloves and earmuffs. They were jumping up and down and cheering! The devil was dumbfounded. "I don't get it! When I turned the heat up, you were happy! Now it's freezing cold, and you are celebrating! What's wrong with you two?" The Texans looked at the devil in surprise. "Well, don't you know? If hell froze over, that must mean that the Cowboys must've got back to the Super Bowl!"

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#9 wesleyc288

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Posted 15 September 2005 - 09:52 AM

yea because the redskins are much closer to the super bowl than the cowboys!!!!!!......lol .......that is ONE FUNNY JOKE!!!!!

#10 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 16 September 2005 - 03:49 AM

Bill Parcells, clearly upset about the Dallas Cowboy's losing record, decides to find out from Bill Belichick what his secret is. So, Parcells travels up to a Patriot practice and asks Belichick, Coach, how is it that your team is so good? What's your secret?

Belichick responds by calling Tom Brady over. Tom, who's your father's brother's nephew? Tom answers, Why coach, that's easy. It's me. Belichick turns to Parcells and says, That's the secret, Bill. A smart quarterback. You've got to have a smart quarterback.

Thinking he's finally got all the tools he needs, Parcells returns to Texas and the Cowboy work-out. He promptly calls over Drew Bledsoe. Bledsoe! Who's your father's brother's nephew? Drew looks perplexed, thinks a minute and says, Coach, can I get back to you after practice on that one? Parcells (disgusted) says, OK.

During practice, Bledsoe calls over Julius Jones. Julius, coach just asked me the weirdest question. Who's your father's brother's nephew? Jones: Duh! That's easy. It's me! After practice, Bledsoe catches up with Parcells: Coach, I think I've got it. My father's brother's nephew is Julius Jones. Parcells (angry): No, No, NO! You idiot!! It's Tom Brady!!!

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#11 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 16 September 2005 - 08:37 AM

A body was found naked here the other day, and when the coroner arrived to examine the body. The police officer said to him “you’re not going to believe this one”. The coroner began his exam, he noticed an Eagles cap over the victim’s left breast, he lifted it up, jotted a few words on his legal pad and continued his exam. He then noticed a Redskin’s cap over the right breast of the victim he again looked under it and jotted a few more notes on his legal pad. Then the police officer said to him”what do you make of this”…pointing to a Cowboys hat covering the victim’s crotch. The coroner lifted it up, shook his for a few seconds then lifted it up again for a second look, about this time the police officer ask “what’s the problem” The coroner said I’m use to seeing A#@holes under Cowboy hats!

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#12 Rocky21

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Posted 16 September 2005 - 09:26 AM

A boy is wallking near Fed Ex Field when he sees a man being attacked by a viscious dog. He finds a stick and charges the dog without any fear. He gets to the dog, slips the stick through the collar and twists really hard, breaking the dog’s neck and saving the man’s life. A news reporter for the Washington Post was close by and witnessed the whole event. He rushes over to the hero and tells him he wants to put this in the paper with the head line: “Redskins Fan Saves Man from Imminent Death”

The boy replies “I am not a Redskins fan.” Perplexed, the reporter asks “what kind of fan are you?” The boy replies “ A Cowboy fan!” The reporter decides on another headline: "Ignorant Redneck Ba$tard Kills Family Pet.”

#13 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 16 September 2005 - 09:54 AM

Rocky21 that was a good one I loved it...hahahaha....lol! :thumbsup: if you got anymore go ahead and post them. That sh.. was hilarious I had to tell my wife! She laughed so hard that she farted it was nasty!

#14 SKINS@THEGOALLINE

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Posted 16 September 2005 - 10:31 AM

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle

#15 Rocky21

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Posted 16 September 2005 - 10:53 AM

Rocky21 that was a good one I loved it...hahahaha....lol! :thumbsup: if you got anymore go ahead and post them. That sh.. was hilarious I had to tell my wife! She laughed so hard that she farted it was nasty!


Telling a joke that makes Queen Leo fart is the ultimate compliment.
Thank you. :D

#16 flyingtiger1013

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Posted 16 September 2005 - 11:17 AM

Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers,"241." "That is wonderful!," says Albert. "We will talk out the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?", to which the lady answers, "144." "That is great!," responds Albert."We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51." Albert responds, "How 'bout them Cowboys?"

#17 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 17 September 2005 - 07:13 AM

There's a guy from Washington, DC (Redskins fan) driving from DC to Dallas, and a guy from Dallas (Cowboys fan) driving from Dallas to DC. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Redskins fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!"
Likewise the Cowboys fan scrambles out of his car and looks at the wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" The Cowboy fan walks over to the Redskin and says, "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals. The Redskin fan thinks for a moment and says, " You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm going to see what else survived this wreck."
So the Redskins fan pops open his trunk and finds a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Cowboys fan, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our newfound understanding and friendship."
The Cowboys fan says, "You're damn right!" and grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half of the bottle the Cowboys fan hands it back to the Redskins fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Redskins fan twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nahh, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."

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#18 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 17 September 2005 - 12:54 PM

So a blind man goes into a bar, he orders a drink, and after a while of sitting in the silence he leans over to the bartender and says "Hey, would you like to hear a Dallas Cowboy joke?"

Unbeknownst to the blind man he's actually in a Cowboys themed bar! The man next to him goes "Fella, before you tell that joke you ought to know that the bartender is a Cowboys fan, the bouncer is a Cowboys fan, and I'm a 6-5 260 Cowboys fan... what's more is that the man on your right is a Cowboys fan with a black belt in karate and the man to my left is a Cowboys fan who's a pro wrestler... so think about it real carefully fella, you still wanna tell that Cowboys joke?"
The blind man says:
"No, not if I'm going to have to explain it 5 times."

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#19 hail2skins

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Posted 17 September 2005 - 01:11 PM

I hate to tell this one, being a Skins fan, but:

How do you keep a Redskin from masturbating?

Paint a star on its d*** and it won't beat it for years!!!

To atone for posting this.......... :dallasuck

#20 JeSTeR

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Posted 17 September 2005 - 01:23 PM

I'm a Skins fan as well, but I think this is so accurate:

What do the Redskins and Billy Graham have in common?

They can both make 90,000 people come together and yell "JESUS CHRIST!"

#21 hail2skins

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Posted 17 September 2005 - 01:33 PM

Jester, that's not the Skins so much as Brunell :laugh:

#22 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 17 September 2005 - 03:02 PM

That was funny for a Redskin joke :thumbsup: , I havent heard that one before. Nice one Hail2skins! The more you think about it, its pretty much true..lol! I always need to remember that one so I can tell my feinds!

#23 BogeyMan

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Posted 17 September 2005 - 03:12 PM

Q: How do you keep the Redskins out of your front yard?

A: Paint a goal line across it. :(

#24 dinzelwashington

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Posted 17 September 2005 - 04:26 PM

haha..let me see if i can make some up at the moment......

Redskins Vs Cowboys....okay, cowboys got homefield advantage...
Q: what do u call a cowboy getting tackled upside down at mid field?
A: wishing upon a star for this victory...

Q: why did micheal irvin smoke crack?
A: cause he hung around lawrence taylor a little too much when kfc was close....

Q: shortly after the career ending hit by lavar, how did troy aikman respond as he awoke? ...

A: "Hey guys am i in the huddle already, i see stars everywhere."..

#25 DeanCollins

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Posted 17 September 2005 - 05:00 PM

There was a Frenchman, a Mexican, a Redskin fan, and a Cowboy fan sitting up on a hill getting drunk. The Frenchman tilts up his bottle of Champagne till empty, throws the bottle in the air, shoots it with his pistol, and yells
"Viva La France".

Just after that the Mexican finishes his bottle of Tequilla, throws it in the air, fires his pistol, and shouts "Viva La Mexico"

Just about that time the Redskin fan finishes his Budwieser, tosses the can on the ground, pulls his gun and shoots the Cowboys fan, and then says calmly "IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS"

#26 FootballGuy2677

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Posted 17 September 2005 - 10:44 PM

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle

lol quincy carter...

#27 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 18 September 2005 - 10:13 AM

A Eagles Fan, Redskin Fan, and a Cowboy fan go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the Eagles fan on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" :jerk: The Redskins fan on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. :wtf: Then Cowboy fan in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!" :yes:

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#28 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 18 September 2005 - 03:25 PM

On a visit to the United States, the Pope is taking a boat tour of the Chesapeake Bay when he sees a man out in the water, dressed in a Dallas Cowboys jersey, and being attacked by a shark. As the Pope is giving the man his last rights, he sees a boat quickly approach with three men dressed in Redskins jerseys. When they reach the Cowboys fan, the Redskins fans shoot the shark with a harpoon, freeing the Cowboys fan. They then proceed to pull the fan and the shark into the boat and kill the shark.
Upon seeing this, the Pope yells to the fans, ”That is one of the most heroic things I have ever witnessed. I had heard that Redskins and Cowboys fans do not get along at all, but due to your expression of kindness towards another man, especially an enemy, I will ask God to give you all eternal peace and watch over you forever.”
As the Pope sped off, one of the Redskins fans in the boat turns to the others and says , “Who was that?” One of the others says, “That was the Pope, God’s right hand man on earth, so we should be honored to receive such a blessing.” Then the last Redskins fan asks ”Well that’s great, but should we throw this bait back in, or get us another Cowboys fan?”

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#29 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 19 September 2005 - 06:51 AM

The assistant county coroner calls the head coroner at 3:00 AM and says excitedly, "You have to come into the office, I have something incredible to show you."
The coroner responds, "Just tell me what it is over the phone.”
But the assistant says, “This is something you just have to see.”
The coroner then says, ”It better be good for you to wake me up so early.”
He gets dressed and drives the fifteen minutes to his office. When he gets there, he sees a dead man, wearing a Cowboys’ hat, lying on a gurney, face down, with a cork stuck in his butt.
The assistant coroner pulls the cork out and out comes a noxious fart that says, “The Cowboys are number 1.”
The assistant asks “Isn’t that the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen?” To which the coroner replies, “You mean you got me up at 3:00 in the morning just to hear another ass say the Cowboys are number one?”

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#30 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 19 September 2005 - 10:52 AM

A guy walks into a Cowboy bar with a Rottweiler by his side. The dog is wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey and helmet, and is festooned with Cowboy pom poms. The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The big game begins with the Cowboys receiving the kickoff. They march down field, get stopped at about the 30, and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.

The bartender says, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"

The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for 4 years."

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#31 Hail_to_Kessel

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Posted 19 September 2005 - 01:06 PM

yea because the redskins are much closer to the super bowl than the cowboys!!!!!!......lol .......that is ONE FUNNY JOKE!!!!!


I'm laughing my ass off, so yah it is funny troll.

#32 Hail_to_Kessel

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Posted 19 September 2005 - 01:14 PM

Rocky21 that was a good one I loved it...hahahaha....lol! :thumbsup: if you got anymore go ahead and post them. That sh.. was hilarious I had to tell my wife! She laughed so hard that she farted it was nasty!


HAHA!@ I hope it wasn't a hersey squirt!?:laugh:

#33 MoeRedskins

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Posted 19 September 2005 - 01:24 PM

A Skins fan, a Cowboys fan, a Giants fan and an Eagles fan were all mountain climbing together one day. As they were climbing up the mountain, they were jawing back and forth with each other over whose team was the best. When they finally reach the top of the mountain, all four are standing around when the Giants fan inexplicably says "This one is for the Giants" and jumps off the mountain. The Eagles fan, not wanting to be out done, says this one is for the Eagles," and jumps off the mountain. The Redskins fan then says "This one is for everybody" and pushes the Cowboys fan of the cliff.

:eaglesuck :gaintsuck :dallasuck :dallasuck

#34 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 19 September 2005 - 01:28 PM

A Skins fan, a Cowboys fan, a Giants fan and an Eagles fan were all mountain climbing together one day. As they were climbing up the mountain, they were jawing back and forth with each other over whose team was the best. When they finally reach the top of the mountain, all four are standing around when the Giants fan inexplicably says "This one is for the Giants" and jumps off the mountain. The Eagles fan, not wanting to be out done, says this one is for the Eagles," and jumps off the mountain. The Redskins fan then says "This one is for everybody" and pushes the Cowboys fan of the cliff.

:eaglesuck :gaintsuck :dallasuck :dallasuck


Now, that was funny! Ive never heard that one.. you are my hero..:notworthy ! I hope we push Dallas of the mountain tonight..GO SKINS, DALLAS SUCKS!

#35 DeanCollins

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Posted 19 September 2005 - 01:53 PM

A washington post reporter goes down to the anacostia river to check out a story about a man who had drowned. Upon arriving at the river, the reporter saw several police and the Chief standing around a dead man with a cowboys jersey and heavy chain rapped all around his body. The reporter gasps and asks the Chief "what happen to this man" the Chief replied,
" Oh it's just another cowboys fan trying to steal more chain than he could swim with":laugh::laugh::laugh:

#36 lunarluau

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Posted 19 September 2005 - 02:41 PM

How do you stop a Cowboys fan from drowning?




Take your foot off of the back of his head.

#37 DeanCollins

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Posted 19 September 2005 - 04:52 PM

An Eagles fan walks onto a construction site looking for a job. The foreman
told him that he looked pretty stupid but he did need a laborer so he hired him.
. Later that day the Eagles fan asked the forman if he knew of a place he could rent a room. The forman told he was in luck, and that the port-a-john was availble. So the E-fan moves in. A week goes by and the Foreman noticed a TV antenea on the roof of the port-a-john. Next week there were
two TV antenea. So he asked the Eagles -Fan "why the hell do you need 2
TV antenea" ....... the Eagles Fan replied "I'm renting the basement out to
a Cowboys Fan"

:eaglesuck:eaglesuck

#38 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 08:35 AM

Q. A smart Redskin fan, a very smart Cowboy fan, Santa Claus, and the Easter bunny sit in 4 corners of a square room. In the center is a pot of gold. A bell rings, and they all take off for the pot. Who gets it?

A. The Redskin fan... cause there's no such thing as Santa Claus, there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny and there's no such thing as a smart Cowboy fan!

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#39 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 08:48 AM

Joe and his buddy Bill are heading to the Super Bowl and they're really late. They arrive at their seats just as they're kicking the ball off. They sit down, look around and make themselves comfortable. After a few minutes, Joe says to the next guy beside him, 'Wow, I can't believe this seat between us is empty. I've got buddies that'd give their right arm for the seat.'

The guy across from him responds, "Yeah, actually this was my wife's ticket, but she passed away."

There is an awkward silence, and wanting to end it Joe blurts out the first thing that he can think of, 'I'm sorry to hear that, my condolences, but couldn't you find someone to take her seat?'

"Nah, they're all at the funeral." :laugh:

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#40 pR0JEkT 21

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Posted 22 September 2005 - 09:58 AM

Every Sunday morning before the game, a Redskins fan sees the same Cowboys fan walking along the side of the road on the way to church. Every week, the 'Skins fan swerves his truck towards the side, coming close enough to scare the poor Cowboys fan, but never too close.

One day, the 'Skins fan sees the Priest walking along. He pulls over. "Father, what happened?" "My car broke down!" So the Skins fan takes the priest into his truck and drives towards church.

Sure enough, he sees the same ol' Cowboys fan walking and thinks "Oh no, I can't swerve like that with a priest in here!" So he decides to make it look accidental, he sneezes and swerves towards the Cowboys fan like always. He closes his eyes during the sneeze for a split second and hears a loud THUD.

He looks up and says, "Oh no! What just happened!"

The Priest says, "Don't worry, you missed him. But I got him with the door!"

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