Reed Doughty commands you to reed this thread!!!

The fact that you opened this thread proves one thing; you're learning what opposing WRs, TEs and RBs already recognize. When Reed Doughty tells you to do something, you damn well better do it, fool!!!

See, Reed Doughty is what Chuck Norris longs to be. He's the irresistable force AND the immovable object. He's the be-all, in terms of a complete NFL safety; and he's the end-all if you're coming across the middle. He chooses to lay the smack, rather than talk it. And he's the man who leaves opponents' fans scratching their heads and asking, "Damn. Who's the fast little white guy?"

So to clear up the confusion, here it is. My tribute to the man, the myth, the legend in the making, Reed Doughty, #37, safety, Washington Football Redskins.

Reed Doughty is the greatest football player ever to come from the football mecca known as the University of Northern Colorado. Northern Colorado is a Division I-AA school; much like the one that beat Michigan this year. He graduated in 2005 with a 4.0 GPA in Asskickitiveology, was a three-time academic and ass-kicking All-American, and was a finalist for the Draddy Trophy...which is considered the "Academic Heisman."

It is widely believed that Reed turned down the Draddy nomination, "to give the other nominees a chance."

Despite being the greatest man of greatness of all time, Doughty is also incredibly humble. He likes to give others a chance to be like him and be a winner. That's why he also sometimes pretends to get "beat" in coverage, or commits a pass interference on purpose. T.O.'s psychological welfare is very important to Reed Doughty. He's compassionate like that.

Speaking of compassionate, Reed Doughty married some girl named Katherine in 2002. Katherine Doughty, I think it is. They have yet to consumate the marriage however, out of fear that Katherine might not survive the experience. Not only that, but seizmologists fear that in the course of "rocking her world" Reed might actually rock the world, sending it careening off its axis and hurtling into the sun. That would be bad.

Reed Doughty has been starting for the Redskins for the past three weeks, and made lots of tackles against the Giants. But even though he's playing on an All-Creation type of level, he still maintains his humblemility.

"I'm only going to go out there and do my best with the abilities I've been given," he said after stepping in for his departed teammated and friend Sean Taylor. He failed to mention the fact that he's been given more abilities than any human being before him. (Taylor doesn't count. With him being the God of Football, he would've been the one to give Reed his abilities.)

Reed Doughty has taken many blasts of **** on ES for not being the next Sean Taylor. Fortunately, Reed Doughty forgives you for your ignorance of the fact that he is, indeed, the first Reed Doughty. It's a good thing he won the male sportsmanship award at Northern Colorado twice. Otherwise, I think Mr. Doughty would have to come to ES and smack a *****. But like I said, sometimes he likes to let other people feel like winners...even if that's by putting him down.

In conclusion, Reed Doughty is without a doubt the awesomest purveyor of awesomeness in Awesometown. Y'all betta "reedcognize."

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Reed Doughty gets ready to kill some schlepp at UNC.

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Reed Doughty celebrates after killing some schlepp at UNC.

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Reed Doughty shows his frustration after learning there were no more schlepps to kill at UNC.

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Reed Doughty (#37,white...guy...not jersey) poses with the Redskin defense. He doesn't really need the other 10 guys on the field, but he's a good teammate so he lets them pretend to help.

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The highly-touted safety of the future and now present for the Washington Redskins awaits the next play in all his manifest football glory. Some have said that the guy is the second coming of the great Ronnie Lott; and I understand that Landry kid is pretty good too.

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Reed'z in UR bakfeeldz, rippin off UR hedz!

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Reed Doughty already knows everything about football. He just likes to humor the coaches.

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HAIL TO REED DOUGHTY!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!

:point2sky :logo: :point2sky

(Mad props to murf for the great game photos of the great one.)

I didn't read the whole thing, but I agree...waffles are damn tasty. :thumbsup:

reed seems close to landry

WOW. I repeat WOW!

great effort, silly, but great effort. ill take it.

That made me laugh. Excellent. Hail Doughty!

hahaha drunk bump for this it's a lot of fun God bless reed doughty

Great post! My favorite part: "He graduated in 2005 with a 4.0 GPA in Asskickitiveology" :laugh:

A little too much Yukon Jack tonight, HH.

Great post! My favorite part: "He graduated in 2005 with a 4.0 GPA in Asskickitiveology" :laugh:

Seriously though, dude had a 4.0 all four years, majoring in kinesiology.

This just in Reed Doughty is smarter than us. All of us.

A little too much Yukon Jack tonight, HH.

Nah. My boss frowns on that at work. I did do a double espresso shot earlier though. :paranoid:

I loved this post. He is the Chuck Norris of football for sure.

I believe in anyone who steps on that field, and Reed has impressed me to take over. So Reed, please make sure that you take over that box on Sunday Night and show AP that Chuck Norris type of toughness.

I believe in anyone who steps on that field, and Reed has impressed me to take over. So Reed, please make sure that you take over that box on Sunday Night and show AP that Chuck Norris type of toughness.

Well said. And lest there be any confusion, I'm on the Doughty bandwagon. The thread, of course, is tongue-in-cheek, but with the exception of a couple of glaring mistakes, the kid has played VERY well.

Reed is tough and fast and very good, if area 51 was dangerous how bad is area 67 going to be...loved the whole thing that appeals to my warped sence of humour...

He is Super smart

HAHA! funniest post I have read in a long time. well done.

Reed'z in UR bakfeeldz, rippin off UR hedz! :laugh::laugh::laugh:

This board needed to have a laugh at something this week I think. Thank you for that. I liked your mancrush. Work is dull today but at least I answered the phone with a smile thanks to you mate.

he's a younger john lynch great find for us.

*Edited for content. Pretty nasty. *

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks under his bed for Reed Doughty.

One of the few long ES posts I actually read completely through. Great stuff!

Darth Vader uses a night light because of Reed Doughty.

Nicely done, 36. :laugh:

Speaking of compassionate, Reed Doughty married some girl named Katherine in 2002. Katherine Doughty, I think it is. They have yet to consumate the marriage however, out of fear that Katherine might not survive the experience. Not only that, but seizmologists fear that in the course of "rocking her world" Reed might actually rock the world, sending it careening off its axis and hurtling into the sun. That would be bad.

Reed Doughty (#37,white...guy...not jersey) poses with the Redskin defense. He doesn't really need the other 10 guys on the field, but he's a good teammate so he lets them pretend to help.

One of the funniest quotes i've ever read on ES!! You've already made my morning.. Everyone is rooting for Reed, let's hope is really turns out to be a John Lynch!

HTTR

Reed Doughtyis currently suing Burger King for not putting razor wire in his Whopper sandwich... claiming he wanted it "His way."